


Becoming Human

by animeyaoikid



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alchemy, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Automail, Bottom Envy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Flashbacks, Guilt, Happy Ending, Human Transmutation, M/M, Philosopher's Stone, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Restored Alphonse Elric, Science, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Top Edward Elric, keep me accountable, trying to update weekly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-03-26 06:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13851702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animeyaoikid/pseuds/animeyaoikid
Summary: Envy had been so ready to kill himself, but then Edward Elric had to go and give him hope of a different future.  Could it really be possible for Envy to become a human?  And even if it is possible, what then?  Also, did Ed get taller?Basically: Ed and Envy's journey as they try to turn Envy into a human and their changing relationship along the way.





	1. The Greatest Alchemist

**Author's Note:**

> I was about to write something for another fandom, but then I realized that this particular pairing is seriously lacking in fanfiction. I'm going to devote myself to this pairing for a while, because it is a good and valid pairing that deserves more respect and content than it has. I hope you guys enjoy this particular fic and contribute to this pairing in any way you can.

“Are you a moron?” Envy asked, resisting the urge to flinch at the sound of his own voice.  His voice was always high and weak when he was in his true form: a small, pathetic creature with no strength or power to speak of.  “Some nice, flowery words and feigned empathy?  You make me sick to my stomach.  Are you humans always such pathetic worms?  Why can’t you just listen to your gut and do what you want to?  Colonel Mustang, have you forgotten?  Your pal Scar here was going to kill you!” he reminded the black-haired man.

 

“And what’s more,” Envy continued, turning to Fullmetal, “wasn’t he the one who killed the parents of the pipsqueak’s girly-friend?  Oh yeah!  And what about that little girl who became a chimera?  Scar was the one responsible for her death, too.  And as for you,” he said, turning to Scar himself, “have you completely forgotten what they did to your Ishvalan countrymen?  And then this woman!”  Envy was on a roll now.  “She has the arrogance to claim the sight of a hawk!  She shoved her buddies left and right!  You’ll never get another chance!  This is the perfect time - the ultimate opportunity!  Hate and weep!  Kill and be killed!  Fight each other!  Grovel in the dirt!”

 

It was in this moment that Envy realised that no one had reacted to anything he’d said.  Even Mustang, who had been hell-bent on killing him not a minute before, was looking at him with something akin to… pity.  “How could you four hope to team up?  You’re way beyond the point of kissing and making up, right Pipsqueak?  Right Hawkeye?  Mustang?  Scar?”

 

Still, nobody said a word.  The silence dragged out until Envy couldn’t stand it any longer.

 

“There’s no way,” Envy whimpered.  He was horrified.  “No, no you can’t.  Never, never - it’s impossible!  How could you… how could you do it?  How?!”

 

“Now I see.”

 

Envy turned to look at Fullmetal, who was still holding him in a death-grip.  His voice was far too calm, far too wise.

 

“You’re jealous.  You’re jealous of humans, aren’t you?”

 

Envy stared at him, but the words didn’t quite register in his mind.  There was no way that the Fullmetal Alchemist had said what Envy thought he’d said.

 

“We humans,” the pipsqueak continued, “according to you, we’re supposed to be nothing when compared to homunculi, and yet, when we’re beaten down, when we stray and fall, we face the challenge again and again.  Our loved ones are always there to pick us back up, and you’re jealous.  You envy us because of that.”

 

Envy remembered all the times he’d exploited people’s humanity to his advantage, all the times he’d said something, made some small comment about how he felt in the hopes that someone would understand him.  Finally, he’d realized that no one would ever understand him.  The humans were too different from him, and the other homunculi didn’t even acknowledge that they had feelings.  He was alone.  Of this, he’d been sure.

 

Envy squirmed in Edward’s automail hand, trying to get away.  He had to get away.

 

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Fullmetal snapped at him, lifting his flesh hand to stop Envy’s movements.  “Hold on a second!  Idiot, where are you going?”

 

Away.  He was going away.  He had to get away.

 

Envy reached forward and bit down on the flesh of Edward’s finger.  “Ow!” he yelled, dropping him on the cold, stone floor.  Hawkeye pulled her gun, but paused.

 

“Wait,” said Scar, “He won’t last long.”

 

Envy crawled forward a few steps, feeling a painful ache at his very core.  “Humiliating.  Ending up so pathetic like this…” Envy said, but it came out more like a whimper.  “Trampled on by humans… those loathsome beings… wee, useless people.  What’s worse, out of all the scum out there, you just had to be the one, didn’t you, Pipsqueak?”

 

Envy heaved, and tears welled in his big, round eyes.  Before he knew it, he was sobbing.  Edward looked shocked, but Envy didn’t care.  Let them see.  This was the end for him.  He would leave the world a small, insignificant, blubbering mess.  Some part of him wished that Hawkeye had shot him already.

 

“No, stop it, stop it…” he begged of anyone who would listen.  Why were they all just standing there?  Why would no one put him out of his misery?  Was he not even worth that much?  “I’ve been humiliated… humiliated…”

 

He turned to look up at Edward.  “Me, Envy?  Jealous of you… of you humans?  I’m a homunculus!  How could this pipsqueak kid see through me?  It’s the ultimate humiliation…”

 

It was then that Envy came to a simple conclusion: he wasn’t worth the effort to anyone else.  He would have to do it himself; otherwise, the pain would never end.  He let out a humorless laugh.  It was a relief to be free of the world.  “I guess we’ll see how long this adorable little alliance of yours can hold up.  Well, best of luck with that, Pipsqueak,” he said, reaching his tiny green limbs into his gaping mouth.  He would take the Philosopher’s Stone out, he would squeeze the life out of it, he would…

 

“Wait!”

 

Suddenly there were fingers prying his little arms out of his mouth.  This couldn’t be happening.  The pipsqueak, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward _fucking_ Elric wouldn’t even let him choose how he died.  Well, at least Edward had decided to kill him.  Hopefully it would be over quickly.

 

“What the hell are you thinking?” Edward yelled, “Killing yourself won’t make you a human!  That’s what you want, isn’t it?  So why the hell would you end your life before you can even try?!”

 

Envy blinked up at him.  The dumb kid just didn’t get it.

 

“I can’t become human!” Envy yelled back, “Even Father can’t do it, and he’s the greatest alchemist alive!  Don’t you understand?  There’s no way for me to get what I want, so what’s the point?!”

 

Edward stared at him for a moment, looking stunned, but then he _smiled._  “The greatest alchemist alive, huh…?  Well, then he should have no trouble proving that, so I’ll make you a deal, Envy.  Wait until the battle is over, and if Father wins, you can kill yourself.  But, if I win, you stay alive.  And when I beat that bearded bastard into the ground, I’ll turn you into a human.  How’s that?”

 

Envy stared up into Edward’s golden eyes.  He wasn’t terribly good at reading emotions, but even he could tell that Edward was completely in earnest.  “How?” he finally asked.

 

“The same way that I’m going to get Al’s body back,” Ed answered, standing up to his full height.  “By never giving up.”

 

And for a moment, however brief, Envy believed that he could actually do it.


	2. Return to the Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter, as promised!

Over the next several hours, Envy heard more bangs, crashes, and booms than he had in his entire life.  By the time silence fell over Central, he just counted himself lucky that the ceiling hadn’t caved in above him.  He waited for what seemed like ages before Fullmetal came running down the hallway. He’d left his red jacket behind, so he was left in nothing but a black tank top and pants.

 

“Envy!” he called, stopping in front of him.  He bent over and panted for a moment, before standing up straight and smiling in victory.  “So, who do you think the better alchemist is - your father, or me?” He gestured to himself with his right hand.  Wait. His right hand. His right hand that was made of flesh. His automail was nowhere to be seen.

 

Envy sighed.  “You don’t know how to lose, do you?”

 

“I never had the occasion to learn,” Ed retorted.  He held his hands out in front of Envy, and Envy hesitated before crawling onto them.

 

As it turned out, Edward had restored more than his arm.  When they reached the surface, Envy saw a boy laying on the ground with a coat draped over his body.  From what little of him was visible, Envy could tell that he was quite sickly and malnourished. However, from the look on his face, it seemed like he was having the best day of his life.  Envy had never put much thought into what the younger Elric brother would look like, but now that he saw him, he couldn’t imagine him any other way.

 

After that, it seemed like an endless onslaught of hugs, tears, and words or joy.  Envy wanted to be sick. There seemed to be no shortage of things Edward felt he needed to do, but eventually he brought Envy up to the higher levels of Central Command.  There were soldiers from the immortal legion all over the floor, trying to drag themselves across the tiles. Someone had sliced all their legs off, but they would serve the purpose.

 

Edward held one down with his boot and dropped Envy on its shoulders.  Envy bit down, absorbing the stone material. He was still weak, though, so he reached out and absorbed the next soldier, and the next, and the next.  Finally, he was able to resume his preferred form. He stood in the middle of the now-empty room and breathed a sigh of relief. Edward walked over to him with a smile on his face, like he wasn’t scared at all.  It made Envy want to punch him.

 

“Better?” he asked, and for the first time, Envy noticed that Edward had not only gotten taller, but now had a good four inches on him.  When had that happened?

 

“Whatever,” Envy responded.  He’d have to find some new insults, and fast.  Edward rolled his eyes.

 

“Come on.  Al wants to make a stop before we go back home,” he told him, turning and walking out of the room.  Envy was stunned. Was he stupid? Why on earth would Edward think it was even remotely safe to turn his back on him?

 

Envy followed him out.

 

Ed and Al agreed to meet at the train station after Al had made his visit.  Alphonse would take a cab, but Edward and Envy would have ample time to walk there while Al got his business out of the way.  This all made perfect sense, but Envy didn’t think that Edward had planned on the awkward silence that enveloped them as soon as Al’s car drove away.  They walked for two blocks in complete silence, until Envy couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Where does you brother need to go, anyway?” he asked, trying to make conversation.

 

“He went to visit the Hughes family,” Edward answered shortly.

 

Oh.  Awkward.

 

Envy didn’t say anything else.

 

* * *

  
The train ride to Risembol was filled with chatter between Edward and Alphonse.  Envy tried to tune in when they started discussing theories on how to turn him into a human, but it was over his head after about the third sentence.  By the time they arrived, Envy knew exactly how many fingerprint smudges were on the window (two hundred and sixty three), and he’d pulled around fifty loose threads out of the cushion he was sitting on.  When they finished unloading onto the platform, Envy heaved a great sigh of relief.

 

The air was different.  The air in Central was always thick with the smell of car exhaust, but Risembol smelled like grass and fresh produce.  Envy thought it was actually kind of nice.

 

“Come on,” Edward said, gesturing for him to follow.  He led them to a dirt path that was bordered with short stone walls.  The walk was slow going. Alphonse had to stop and sit on the wall several times.  Ed actually offered to carry him, but Alphonse refused. Envy found he didn’t actually mind all that much.  He took his time taking in the countryside. Everything was so fresh and green, and no one they passed looked like they were in a hurry.  He finally started to understand why the Elric brothers had been so desperate to save the country.

 

At the very end of the path there was a two-story house.  To the right of the porch was a wooden sign that read: AUTOMAIL.

 

Oh, great.

 

There was a dog lying on the porch, and Al called to him.  The dog - Den, Al had called him - came racing out to meet them.  He knocked Al right off his feet, licking his face and barking loudly enough to wake the dead, or at least loud enough to wake Winry.  She came out through the front door and ran down the steps only to tackle Edward and Alphonse in a hug. Envy sat down in the grass and rested his head in his palm.  This sure was happening a lot lately.

 

The three of them were led into the house, and Winry didn’t even question Envy’s presence.  He thought it would be pretty difficult for her to recognize him as the miniscule creature she’d kept in a jar.  Ed explained why he was there, but Envy got the distinct feeling that he was being ignored. Winry was far too preoccupied with celebrating the recovery of the Elric brothers’ bodies, although Ed assured her that his leg was still gone so her automail hadn’t completely gone to waste.  Rockbell made them an enormous breakfast before ushering Ed and Al off to take a nap. They had pulled an all-nighter, after all. That left Envy alone with Rockbell in the dining room.

 

The silence dragged out, and Envy thought he might explode.  Why was everyone giving him the silent treatment? When he and Ed had been trying to kill each other, Edward had had no problem with making conversation, even if their conversations tended to be more like arguments.  Why was it, now that he and Ed had decided to help each other, the young alchemist had decided to clam up?

 

“I don’t understand why he has to leave again,” Winry said suddenly.  Envy looked up at her. “He just got back, and now he wants to go away.  Why can’t he just… stand still for once?”

 

Envy wasn’t sure if she was actually talking to him, per se, but he figured it would be better if he responded.  “I don’t think he knows how.”

 

Winry’’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“He doesn’t give up, and he refuses to accept failure.  He’s stubborn like that,” Envy explained.

 

“Hmm,” Winry murmured, turning her gaze back down to the dining table.  “I still don’t understand why he wants to help you.”

 

“I don’t think it’s got anything to do with helping me.  He just wants something to do.”

 

“He wouldn’t do it unless he thought he was doing the right thing,” Winry told him.

 

Envy considered that.

 

“Edward never does anything unless he thinks it’s worth his time,” Winry continued, “For example, he never does any maintenance on his automail.  I doubt he’ll keep up with it now, even though it’s just his leg. Like you said, he’s stubborn.”

 

“Maybe it’s the challenge.”

 

“What challenge?”

 

“Well, he has spent his whole life trying to do the impossible.  Now he wants to do it again,” Envy reasoned.

 

“Is that what you think about becoming human?  That it’s impossible?” she asked him.

 

“That’s what I know,” Envy grumbled.

 

“Well, I don’t think he cares about what you know.”

 

“Why, you -”

 

“I’m not trying to be rude,” she interjected.  “It’s just that Ed has always had a different idea of what makes something impossible.  If he wants something to happen, he’ll make it possible, regardless of what anyone else says.”

 

“Well, that’s just naive.”

 

“Maybe,” Winry conceded, “but it’s worked out for him pretty well so far.”

 

And really, there was no way Envy could argue with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Please leave kudos, comments, and anything else you feel I might benefit from. Cake. Leave me cake.


	3. Unfeeling Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some science!

When the Elric brothers woke from their nap, Envy looked at Edward with renewed interest.  Why was he helping him?  Was it really just because he wanted something to challenge him, or was there some other reason?

 

“Man, my stomach hurts,” Ed complained as he flopped down on the couch.

 

“Well,” Winry told him, “if your theory about eating for Al while his body was gone is true, you’ll have to start eating less.”

 

“Whatever,” Ed responded.  “Can I have a glass of water?”

 

“Sure,” she replied, and then she turned to Envy.  “Do you mind?  I was going to get the laundry.”

 

Envy was so shocked that he didn’t even respond.  Winry seemed to take his silence as a ‘yes,’ because she promptly left the room.  What was he?  Some kind of servant?  Ed’s stomach made a noise so loud that Envy heard it all the way across the room.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” Ed told him, but as soon as he sat up, his gut made another sound of protest.

 

“I got it,” Envy said, “I’m not the invalid here.”

 

Ed scoffed.  “Would it kill you not to be an asshole?”

 

“Probably,” Envy replied with a smile.  This was better.  He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed their banter.

 

He grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and ran the sink faucet until the glass was full.  He then walked back over to Ed and handed him the water, and their fingers brushed.  Envy thought that it was probably the first time they’d touched outside of a fight.  He yanked his hand back.

 

“So, Winry said you were planning on leaving,” Envy diverted.

 

Ed gave him a weird look before sighing and sipping at the water.  “Yeah.  You’d know that if you bothered to listen once in a while.”

 

“Tch.”

 

“The truth is, we really only came back here to see Winry.  That, and to grab some notes.”

 

“Notes on what?” Envy inquired.

 

“Human Transmutation.”

 

Envy gaped at him.

 

Ed seemed to notice his unease.  “Obviously we won’t do what we did before, but if we combine those notes with what we’ve learned, it’ll give us a place to start.”

 

“What are you doing keeping notes like that in your girly-friend’s house?” Envy asked, “I thought you were supposed to be smart.”

 

“They aren’t the original notes,” Edward said calmly.  “These are just some ideas we wrote down afterwards.  Stuff on where we might have gone wrong, and how to get our bodies back.  Most of it was wrong of course, but…”

 

“It’s a start,” Envy finished.

 

“Yeah,” Ed agreed.

 

* * *

  
  
Envy’s eyes roamed over the page of the book he was reading when he realized, not for the first time, that he didn’t understand a word of it.

 

“Damn it!” he yelled, throwing the leather-bound volume at the wall.

 

“Envy, these books aren’t ours…” Al murmured hesitantly.

 

Envy glanced around the library.  Honestly, he should count himself lucky that they’d even allowed him inside.  However, the smell of inky paper and the barely-navigable maze of bookshelves made him feel edgy and claustrophobic.  Envy heard Ed sigh from the other side of the bookshelf he was leaning against.

 

“I’m gonna take a walk,” Ed muttered.

 

“I’ll come with you,” Envy said, standing up and walking around the bookcase to join him.

 

“Sure,” Edward said lazily, shrugging into his jacket.  Together, they left the library, and Ed sat down on the stone steps outside the building.  Envy joined him.

 

“Man, it’s hot out,” Ed groaned, but he stayed in his jacket.

 

“Hmm.”  Envy nodded.  He supposed it was a bit warm.

 

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Ed asked incredulously.

 

“Not really,” Envy said, shrugging.  “Temperature never really mattered to me.”

 

“That’s… interesting,” Ed murmured, looking at Envy carefully.  Envy looked away, embarrassed by Ed’s staring.  Suddenly, Ed was so close to his face that he could see the little brown flecks in Ed’s golden eyes.  “Envy, can you remember if you’ve ever sweat before?”

 

“Huh?  Uh, yeah, I have…”

 

“When?  Was it hot?” Ed asked, and his eyes sparked with the beginnings of a theory.

 

“I thought I was gonna die.  I wasn’t paying much attention to the temperature.  Why?”

 

“So you were sweating because you were nervous and afraid.  Not because it was hot?”

 

“Yeah.  Ed, what are you getting at?” Envy asked.  He didn’t realize he’d used Edward’s nickname until after he’d already said it.

 

“What about the cold?  Do you ever get shivers?  Goosebumps?  Chattering teeth?” Ed continued excitedly.

 

“I don’t know,” Envy snapped.

 

“Come on, Envy.  This could help me figure out how to turn you into a human.  Think,” Ed demanded.

 

Envy thought.  “...Not that I can remember.”

 

“This is great news!” Ed exclaimed.

 

“Uh, why?” Envy asked.

 

“Well, up until now, the only difference that we’ve been able to identify between a human and a homunculus is the presence of the Philosopher’s Stone.  This suggests that there are other differences,” Ed told him.  “There must be changes that occur in the body, or at the very least, the brain, when the Philosopher’s Stone is introduced.”

 

Envy nodded in understanding.

 

“This is just a hypothesis,” Ed continued, “but it is possible that your nervous system was altered, or I guess the better word would be stunted, by the stone.  Now, the part of the brain that regulates temperature is the hypothalamus.  That registers more extreme temperatures and causes the body to react accordingly.”

 

“Hey, my brain works just fine,” Envy protested, “There’s nothing wrong with my hippo-whatever.”

 

“I didn’t say there was,” Ed went on.  “In fact, I’m almost certain that your brain isn’t the problem.  See, temperature isn’t the only thing that the hypothalamus regulates.  It also controls mood.  Now, no offence, but you don’t seem to have any trouble with having mood swings.”

 

Envy’s eye twitched.

 

“This means that, if I’m right, the problem isn’t with your brain, but with your nerves.”

 

“Okay, great.  How does this help?” Envy asked, ever the pessimist.

 

“I don’t know yet, but it will.  But if I’m right, this should effect the way you feel other things too, like pain.”

 

“Well, I can feel pain,” Envy told him.

 

“Yes, but the question is: how well?”

 

“How well can I feel pain?  How the hell am I supposed to know?  I mean I’m not exactly -”

 

Edward punched Envy straight in the face.

 

“Hey!  What the hell was that for?” Envy yelled, sitting back up.  His cheek erupted in red sparks.

 

“Did that hurt?” Ed asked, looking a bit too pleased with himself.

 

“No,” Envy said indignantly, “Maybe if you knew how to punch -”

 

“That’s not true,” Edward interrupted, “Your stone is healing your cheek, which means that I caused damage.  Also, I hit you hard enough to knock you down.  You’re telling me that didn’t hurt?”

 

Envy let that sink in.  Was there something wrong with him?  Why couldn’t he feel things?  “...No, it didn’t hurt,” he murmured, sounding defeated.

 

“That’s good,” Edward told him encouragingly.  “This gives us something to work with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, cake! You know the drill. I'm doing my best to combine real science with alchemy to give the story a more realistic feel. Please let me know how I did!


	4. Blood Stillness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little warning for needles!

That evening, when Envy and Alphonse went back to the hotel room, Edward stayed behind at the library, and he didn’t leave until it had closed.  The next morning, he got up early and arrived at the library just as it was opening. Envy and Al joined him later, but they didn’t feel very helpful.  Edward dashed between the Alchemy and Human Anatomy sections, all the while making notes and talking to himself. Envy thought he was beginning to understand the term ‘mad scientist.’

 

By the time Edward had returned to the hotel, the sun had long since gone down.

 

“I’m starving,” he grumbled, “What’s for dinner?”

 

“We’re making spaghetti,” Al answered from the hotel’s tiny kitchenette.

 

“Huh?” Ed asked, walking over to see what they were doing.  “Envy, you can cook?”

 

“Yes,” Envy replied, as though it should have been obvious.

 

“He’s been really helpful,” Al added with a smile, handing Envy a tomato.  Envy set upon the tomato violently with a kitchen knife that Ed probably would have hesitated to give him.

 

“Did you find anything out at the library?” Al asked.  Envy stared unblinkingly at his current task, pretending not to be listening.

 

“Well -” Ed paused, trying to think of how to phrase it.  It was like being unable to find the right word for something, even though you were sure you had known it at some point.  The pieces were all there; he just needed to make them fit together.

 

“Shit,” Envy muttered.  Ed looked over in time to see a few sparks dissipating around Envy’s knuckles.  Evidently he had cut himself in his efforts to appear as though he wasn’t eavesdropping.

 

“No worries,” Al told him, “Just throw that tomato out.  I’ll get you a new one.”

 

“Why?” Envy asked, “It’s not like I bled on it.”

 

“Really?” Al asked, going over to confirm what Envy had said.  Neither of them noticed that Ed’s mind was suddenly racing at a million miles a minute.

 

“Yeah, look,” Envy said, showing Al his hand.  “I didn’t bleed at all.”

 

Suddenly Edward was there, gripping Envy’s hand tightly in both of his own, staring at it as if it held the answer to everything.  “You said there was no blood? None at all?”

 

“Uh, yeah.  I mean, no, there wasn’t,” Envy stammered, admittedly flustered by Ed’s close proximity.

 

“How big was the cut?” Ed asked, his eyes gleaming.

 

Envy traced a line across the back his hand with his index finger about an inch and a half long.  Edward thought hard, his eyes never leaving Envy’s hand, his grip never loosening.

 

“Brother?” Al asked hesitantly.

 

“Give me a minute,” Ed ordered, still not moving.  His golden eyes were alight with brilliance, and Envy was suddenly struck with just how smart Edward was.  He’d never really considered it before, what with Ed’s foolish impulsivity and brash personality, but now that Envy thought about it, it was almost frightening.  Edward was still a child when he’d become a State Alchemist, and he had been skilled enough to attempt human transmutation long before that. Envy shuddered to think what Ed could do if he had Father’s resources.  But then, Envy thought with a smile, Ed would have never hurt anyone, no matter how much power he’d had.

 

“Come with me,” Edward said, dragging Envy over to the couch.  “Sit,” he ordered, going over to the dresser to riffle around in the bag on top of it.  He eventually found what he was looking for and returned to the couch, holding a small sewing needle.  He kneeled down in front of Envy and looked up at him.

 

“This probably won’t hurt you at all, but…” Edward trailed off, nervously twirling the needle between his thumb and forefinger.

 

“Since when have you needed permission to stab me?” Envy asked.

 

“Right,” Ed muttered.  “Um, you glove.”

 

Envy’s glove disappeared in a flash of red sparks.

 

“You could have just taken it off.”

 

“No I couldn’t,” Envy said, “The clothes are part of the illusion I create when I shapeshift.  They don’t exist away from my body. I can’t take them off.”

 

“Oh,” Ed murmured, thinking about this.  “So… does that mean that… you’re actually naked?”

 

And to think Envy had been starting to admire Ed for his intelligence.

 

“Just stab me already,” Envy snapped.

 

Ed huffed and went about locating a vein in Envy’s wrist.  When he did, he stuck the needle in, leaving it there for one second, then two, then three.  No blood welled up around the little puncture. Finally, Ed removed the needle. The wound closed with a single red spark.  Envy barely felt a thing.

 

“No blood,” Al observed.

 

“Not even a little,” Ed breathed.  It was all starting to come together.

 

“So what?” Envy asked, “I still bleed when I get shot.  It’s not like I don’t have blood.

 

“Exactly, but I don’t think it’s flowing.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, if your blood was flowing like a normal person’s, you would have bled.  I kept the needle in, so you couldn’t heal, but there still wasn’t any blood. So maybe your blood simply exists in your veins, and it isn’t circulating throughout your body.”

 

Al gasped.  “But that would mean -”

 

“Exactly,” Ed nodded, “The stone material is serving the purpose of blood, meaning that the Philosopher’s Stone has replaced the heart.  And if his blood isn’t circulating oxygen through him, that would explain why his nerves aren’t fully functional.”

 

Envy stared at Ed, wondering if that meant what he thought it did.

 

“Based on this… I think that if we replace the stone with a fully functional human heart, we have a good chance of making Envy human.”


	5. Another's Pain

Once Ed thought he had figured out how to change Envy into a human, everything seemed to be moving a lot quicker.  Now that they knew what they needed to do, it was just a matter of perfecting the mathematics. 

 

Envy, who hadn’t felt all that useful during the preliminary research, was now completely unable to help.  He didn’t understand the math behind the science, so he made himself busy however he could. He read a lot.  Sometimes he snooped through Ed and Al’s things. He perfected the art of hanging off the couch upside down. Hell, he even ran errands on occasion.

 

He got out of the hotel as often as he could.  Even the polluted air of Central was preferable to the stuffy little room Ed and Al were holed up in.  He liked that he could walk around in his prefered form now, and the attention of passers by gave him a nice confidence boost.  Everyone stared at him, like they they were the ones who had something to be jealous of.

 

Envy returned from a walk one evening to find both of the Elric brothers sound asleep: Al on the couch and Ed with his face on the desk.  Envy smirked and set down the groceries he’d bought.

 

“Ed,” he whispered, going over and shaking the young alchemist’s shoulder.  Ed groaned and opened his eyes blearily.

 

“What…?”

 

“Wake up, Pipsqueak,” Envy murmured.

 

“Not… a pipsqueak…”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Envy conceded.  “Come on, I brought food.”

 

“M’kay,” Ed muttered, sitting up and looking around.  Envy headed over to the kitchenette to start putting the groceries away.  Back at the desk, Ed stood up… and immediately fell to the floor.

 

“Ed?” Envy asked, running back over to him.  The crash had woken Al, who quickly joined Envy at his brother’s side.

 

“Sorry I woke you, Al,” Edward said, sitting up with a huff.

 

“What the hell happened?” Envy demanded, “You just fell over.”

 

“Are you okay, Brother?” Al asked, putting his hand on Edward’s back.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.  My leg just felt funny for a second, that’s all,” Ed reassured them.

 

“Your leg?” Envy asked, glancing down.  Ed was barefoot, so he could see his automail sticking out from the bottom of his pants.

 

“Do you think it’s broken?” Al asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Ed mused, wiggling his toes.  He tried to stand up, but he flinched whenever he put weight on his left leg.  Once he was finally upright, he let out a pained grunt and leaned heavily on the desk.

 

“What’s wrong with it?” Envy asked, watching Ed’s facial expression anxiously.

 

“No idea,” Ed told him, “It only hurts when I put weight on it, so I can probably keep working as long as I stay seated -”

 

“What?” Envy asked incredulously.  “You need to fix your leg!”

 

“It’ll be fine for a couple of days,” Ed assured him, “Besides, we’re so close -”

 

“You can’t walk!”

 

“Sure I can.  See?” Edward took a small step and winced.

 

“Jeez!” Envy hissed, “Rockbell said you were bad at taking care of your automail, but this is ridiculous.”

 

“Envy’s right, Brother,” Alphonse added, “You need to take better care of yourself.”

 

“But we’re almost finished!” Ed insisted.

 

“So what?” Envy snapped, “”I can wait a few days!  Meanwhile, you’re in pain right now!”

 

“Well so are you!” Edward yelled.

 

Everyone froze as Ed’s words sunk in.  Dammit, Envy thought, Ed was too kind for his own good, always putting others before himself, brushing off his own pain like it was nothing.  Well, he wasn’t about to let Edward sacrifice his own comfort for Envy’s.

 

“Al, help me pack,” Envy said.  His voice left no room for argument.  “We’re taking the first train in the morning back to Risembol.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
Edward was upset.  Envy knew that, but he sure as hell wasn’t sorry.  Here he was, trying to do the nice thing for once, and Ed was mad at him for it.  Well, he would just have to suck it up. At least Alphonse seemed to be on Envy’s side.  There was no reason not to be - Ed was just being dumb and stubborn.

 

Ed and Envy barely said a word to each other on the train ride, which bothered Envy more than he would care to admit.  It may have been foolish, but he’d thought he and Ed were becoming friends. Even as Ed limped from the train station to the Rockbell residence, he didn’t look at Envy once.  By the time Ed was locked in the back room with Winry, Envy was at the end of his rope. He barely even noticed when Al moved to sit on the couch beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No comments on the last chapter - I hope there are still people reading and enjoying this! Thanks for reading!


	6. Sacrifices Made

“Envy,” Al murmured, sitting beside him on the sofa.

 

“What?” Envy asked more harshly than he’d meant to.

 

Al sighed.  “You know, Brother isn’t mad at you.”

 

“Sure could’ve fooled me,” Envy muttered.

 

“Really,” Al insisted, “Ed’s more mad at himself than anything else.”

 

“Why?” Envy asked, not buying a word of it.

 

“Because he feels like he’s let you down.”

 

That threw Envy for a loop.

 

“He cares about you,” Al reassured him, “He’s just upset that he can’t help you.  He already feels useless enough as it is.”

 

“He couldn’t be useless if he tried,” Envy said, wondering if he really had read the whole situation wrong.

 

“It’s the transmutation I think,” Al said.

 

“What about it?”

 

“He wishes that he could do it himself,” Al told him, as if this should be obvious.

 

“Huh?” Envy asked, now completely lost.

 

“He’s upset that I have to perform the transmutation,” Al explained, looking at Envy as though he were stupid or something.

 

“Why can’t he do it?” Envy inquired.

 

“Ed can’t perform alchemy anymore,” Al informed him, “Didn’t he tell you?”

 

“How come…?” Envy trailed off.  He’d never heard of someone losing their ability to perform alchemy.  Was that even possible?

 

“What do you think he traded for my body?” Al asked, and it all clicked into place.  Envy’s first thought was,  _ that makes sense, _ but his next was, _ oh, God. _  Edward had given up everything for his brother.  Alchemy was his whole life. Even Envy knew that.  He had everything he ever wanted, and he’d given up everything he was to get it.

 

“Is- is he okay?”  Envy was a bit surprised that this was his first question, but he supposed it made sense, if he and Ed really were becoming friends.

 

“I think he will be,” Al told him.  “He needs time, and he’s putting off actually dealing with it.  He just wants to be helpful.”

 

“He is being helpful,” Envy pointed out.  He understood better now. The way that Ed had been working tirelessly to turn Envy human, his refusal to talk when they’d had to come back to Risembol.  He felt responsible for everything - every moment, every equation, every delay. He felt useless now that he couldn’t do alchemy, so he needed to do everything else.  Envy huffed. Envy could see it, even if Ed couldn’t. Edward might not be the one clapping his hands together, but he was still the one who would make Envy human, in the end.

 

Al smiled at him and put his hand on Envy’s shoulder.  Envy thought that maybe he and Al could be friends too.

 

After about an hour, Ed walked out of the back room, wearing what looked like a prosthetic leg made of plastic.  Envy looked at him questioningly.

 

“Just a spare,” Ed explained, swinging his temporary leg, “Until they get the other one fixed.”

 

“Right.”  Envy nodded.  

 

Ed smiled at him.  “This means I can get back to work, at least for a while.”

 

Envy nodded again.  He considered telling Ed that there was no rush, but he knew that wouldn’t go over well.  He would let him do what he needed to. If that meant working into the small hours of the night to find an alchemic solution to every problem they had, then so be it.

 

Ed dove back into his work with full vigor, and since he didn’t seem to be in pain anymore, Envy left him to it.  However, this wasn’t Central, and the nearest place to go out was miles from the little house. Envy couldn’’t exactly alleviate his boredom the way he had while they were staying at the hotel.

 

He finally settled in the doorway of the workshop upstairs, watching Winry as she furiously adjusted gears and wires to meet her needs.  A short old woman came to stand beside Envy. He knew her name was Pinako and that she was Winry’s grandmother, but they hadn’t really spoken to each other.

 

“Interested in engineering?” she asked him.

 

“No,” Envy told her, “Just… curious, I guess.”

 

“Automail can be a tricky business.  I don’t blame you for having questions.”  She paused for a moment. “What would you like to know?”

 

Envy thought, deciding to keep it simple.  “How does it work? The process, I mean.”

 

“Well,” Pinako said, “The automail is attached to the nervous system surgically.  It’s an intense operation with an equally intense recovery period. Automail isn’t for everyone.  Some can’t deal with the pain.”

 

Envy considered this, trying not to imagine what Ed might have gone through.  He decided it was better to just ask instead of imagining various scenarios, each one more gruesome than the last.  “How did Edward do?”

 

“Oh, well, Edward was a special case,” she told him, “It’s almost unheard of for a child to have automail, but…”

 

Envy couldn’t help but pay rapt attention.

 

Pinako sighed.  “I still remember that night.  We didn’t know if he would make it to the morning.  Do you know how long it takes to recover from automail surgery?”

 

Envy shook his head.

 

“Three years, at least.  The night Edward and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back, Al was ten.  Ed was eleven.”

 

Envy’s eyes widened.  “But Ed passed the State Alchemy Exam when he was twelve!”

 

“I know.  But he was so insistent, even though he was so young.  It was harder for him than it would have been for anyone else.  Growing up with an arm and leg that can’t grow with you isn’t without its drawbacks.”

 

Envy shuddered to think about it.

 

“It’s amazing, what those boys did,” she added.

 

“Yeah,” Envy agreed, “Amazing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the late update, but my life got a bit hectic. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Please comment, I could really use the motivation!


	7. Caring

“Hey, Envy!” Ed called from his desk.  “Come here a second!”

 

Envy groaned.  While Winry had been working nonstop to fix Ed’s automail, Ed had been doing much the same thing, trying to perfect the transmutation Al would perform on Envy.  He had taken to yelling for Envy at random intervals to ask him questions.

 

Envy got off the couch and walked over to him.  “What?”

 

“Do you know what your physical age is?”

 

“Um… like sixteen?” Envy guessed.  He’d never really given it much thought.  Age was just a number, after all.

 

“And how old are you actually?”

 

A very, very big number.

 

Ed finally asked all of his questions, at least for the moment, and Envy was about to go sit back down when he paused.  “Hey Ed?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Can I ask  _ you _ a question?”

 

“Okay,” Ed agreed.  Envy leaned against the desk.

 

“After the transmutation,” Envy started, “I’ll still look like me, right?  Like this?”

 

“Yeah,” Ed assured him.  “You were made from scratch, right?  Not like Greed and Ling?”

 

“Right.”

 

“Then you should retain whatever form you have during the transmutation.  Minus the clothes, since those are an illusion, right? So, naked you, but still you.”

 

Envy huffed a laugh.  It would have been funnier under different circumstances, but Envy had bigger things on his mind.  “You’re sure Al can pull that off?” he asked, looking pointedly at Ed.

 

Ed gasped and turned to face Envy.  He looked surprised, but then he just looked betrayed.

 

“He told you?” he asked dejectedly.

 

“Forget about Al,” Envy told him, “I want to know why  _ you _ didn’t tell me.”

 

Edward sighed.  “I just didn’t want you to worry.”

 

“About what?” he asked, “That you weren’t good enough?”

 

Ed grunted instead of answering.  Envy exhaled loudly.

 

“That was smart, you know,” he told him, “Trading your alchemy for Al’s body.  Father couldn’t have come up with it.”

 

Ed grunted again.

 

“Listen, Shorty-”

 

“I’m taller than you!”

 

“The  _ point _ is, you’re really smart, Ed,” Envy said, “Smarter than probably anyone else.  You don’t need to be able to  _ do _ alchemy.  You  _ understand _ alchemy better than everybody else, and if you say this is going to work, then I believe you.  So no worries, alright?”

 

Ed stared at him a moment before smiling.  “Thanks, Envy.”

 

With that, he stood up and pulled Envy into a hug.  It all happened so suddenly, and Envy had no idea what to do.  He was loathe to admit it, but he’d actually never been hugged before.  He could smell Ed, feel his musculature against his own body, and his arms sort of flailed at his sides for lack of a better idea.

 

Ed laughed.  “You hug back, dumbass.”

 

“Who’re you callin’ a dumbass?” Envy muttered, wrapping his hands around Ed’s back.

 

Envy decided that hugs were actually sort of nice.

 

* * *

 

  
  
Later that evening, Winry had finished repairing Ed’s automail, and they were ready to put it back on.  Ed sat down on the couch, and Pinako detached the temporary leg Ed had been wearing as Winry carried over the automail one.

 

Envy didn’t know why, but he’d never really thought of Ed not having his limbs.  He always had his replacements on, so Envy never really had reason to think about it.  Ed always had all his limbs whenever Envy saw him, but this was different. For a moment, Edward didn’t have a leg.  Just above were his knee should have been, his leg just… stopped.

 

Envy tried to imagine what that would be like.  Unable to fight, unable to run, unable to walk, unable to stand.  He knew the last thing Edward wanted from him was pity, but he couldn’t help but feel sad for him.  He may have gotten his arm back, but he was still missing a fundamental part of himself.

 

Winry set about screwing the leg back into place, and Envy watched silently.  It looked like she was about done when she looked up Ed, wrench in hand, and said, “Ready?”

 

Ed nodded.

 

“Alright,” she said, putting the wrench around a little knob, ready to turn it.  “One… two… three!”

 

Envy watched in horror as Edward’s expression tightened in pain.  He made an agonized sound behind his closed lips, and then he hung his head and panted for a moment.  Envy just stared at him uselessly, wishing that he could take the pain away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your comments are amazing, and I can't wait to hear what you think about the new chapter! I couldn't have asked for a better following!


	8. Doubting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some manly tears. Don't worry about it.

The day of the transmutation was drawing near.  Everyone knew it, even Winry and Pinako. Ed had gone from working tirelessly at his desk to working tirelessly in the basement, perfecting the transmutation circle while Al read and reread Ed’s notes.  To say Envy was nervous would be a serious understatement.

 

He’d started to imagine all the things that could go wrong, and no matter how many times he told himself that Edward knew what he was doing, he couldn’t seem to stop himself.  What if he looked different? What about his true form? He never wanted to be that again. What if it wasn’t him? What if they brought one of the lives that had been put into his Philosopher’s Stone back to life?  That person would probably deserve a happy life more than he did. Then there was the scariest thought of all: what if it was him, and he suddenly felt differently? Would the human version of him have different feelings about things?  Different feelings about Edward? Even if it was him, would it really be him?

 

Envy suddenly felt like the walls of the Rockbell household were closing in on him.  He stood up and walked outside, sitting down on the steps leading down from the porch.

 

Envy sighed.  What was he so afraid of?  Edward would turn him into a human, and it would go perfectly.  It had to.

 

The front door creaked open behind him, and Envy turned around to see Edward close the door and step out onto the porch.

 

“Did you need something?” Envy asked.  He couldn’t imagine Ed had any more questions for him this late in the process.

 

“I’m finished,” he said without preamble.

 

“Y-you mean, right now?” Envy stuttered.  He didn’t know if he was ready.

 

“In the morning,” Ed told him, sitting down on the steps beside him.

 

Envy twisted his hands into fists on his knees.

 

“What’s wrong?” Edward asked him, looking suddenly concerned.  “You don’t have to wait any longer. You’ll be a human tomorrow.  Isn’t that what you wanted?”

 

Envy glanced sideways at Ed before looking back down at his hands.

 

“I don’t know if I’ll be human.  Even if this works, Ed, there’s no guarantee that this will give me humanity.”  Envy was appalled by the tears he felt welling in his eyes. Ed had seen enough weakness in him.

 

“What makes someone a human?  Apart from the anatomy, I mean,” Ed wondered aloud.

 

Envy considered this.  “A soul.”

 

“What do you think a soul is, Envy?” Edward asked him casually.

 

“It’s… it’s the way you care about each other.  How you can cry for people you’ve never met. How you can ignore the odds of failure and focus on that one percent chance of success.”

 

“If that’s a soul, then you already have one,” Ed told him.

 

“Like hell I do,” Envy snapped, “Have you forgotten everything I’ve done?  How many people I’ve…” 

 

The tears finally welled over and trickled down his face.  He didn’t know what had changed. His past deeds had never bothered him before.  Hell, he’d even been proud, but then, that was a lie, wasn’t it? He’d just done what he was told, turned the other cheek, and pretended that he wasn’t the least bit bothered.  What a brilliant lie that had been. He hadn’t just fooled Father, he’d managed to fool himself, and suddenly the world was crashing down around him.

 

“The fact that you even considered those things proves it.”

 

Envy sniffed and shot Ed an angry look.

 

“If you won’t believe me, believe yourself,” Ed insisted, reaching over to brush the tears from Envy’s cheeks.  “There is so much more in you than evil. If you don’t know that by now, then you’re just stupid.”

 

Envy let out a wet little laugh.  “What about Al? What if something happens to him?”

 

“It won’t,” Edward said sternly.  “The Philosopher’s Stone inside you will be plenty of equivalent exchange.  I wouldn’t let Al do this unless I was sure. I just got him back.”

 

“But the Philosopher’s Stone… I thought…”

 

“Al and I promised we’d never use the stone for ourselves,” Edward told him, “But I don’t see a way around it this time.  I can’t ask Al to give up his alchemy. I’m the one who promised I’d make you human, not him. He shouldn’t have to take that punishment.”

 

“But Ed,” Envy said slowly, “You could use the stone for something else.  You could get your alchemy back. You could get your leg back.”

 

Edward balled his hands into fists.  “I won’t. I made a promise to Al. And I made a promise to you.”

 

“Forget that,” Envy told him, “What do  _ you  _ want?”

 

Ed smiled.  “I have everything I could want.”

 

Envy froze as Ed reached out to brush the hair out of his face.  It was so simple, but so intimate.

 

“Ed, I-”

 

“Don’t,” Ed cut him off, smiling.  “Tell me after the transmutation. Okay?”

 

Envy shuddered.  Ed seemed so sure that there would be an ‘after.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think in the comments (or just leave kudos, whatever).


	9. The Transmutation

Envy had never been so nervous in all his life.  Not even when Mustang had been trying to burn him to a crisp.  At least then he knew the score. Two possible outcomes: live or die.  This was different. This was worse.

 

He watched from the corner as Alphonse studied the array Edward had drawn.  He wasn’t standing in the middle of the circle yet. He would put that off as long as he could.  Instead, he busied himself by looking around the basement for any distraction he could conjure up.

 

The Rockbell basement wasn’t huge or spectacular.  Rather, it was just a storage space for extra tools and materials.  They’d had to move some things over to the walls to have enough space to draw the circle.  Edward was standing nervously in the other corner.

 

Normally, at this time of the morning, Winry and Pinako would have been making a lot of noise upstairs as they prepared breakfast, but not today.  Today, everyone was quiet, because that was how these things worked. There was always the calm before the storm.

 

Finally, Alphonse stood up straight and turned to Envy, nodding.  Envy slowly made his way to the center of the circle, being careful not to smudge the chalk with his feet.  He kneeled once he was in place, not because he had to for the transmutation, but because he wasn’t sure his legs could support him much longer.  He glanced over at Edward, who looked just as nervous as he was, but Ed still managed to smile reassuringly at him the moment he saw Envy looking.  Envy smiled back.

 

Alphonse clapped his hands together, and was kind enough not to point out that both Envy and Edward had flinched at the sound echoing out into the silence.  He simply put his hands on the edge of the circle. Suddenly the silence shattered, the glass sphere surrounding their quiet little moment breaking into a million tiny pieces.  The sounds of transmutation ripped apart the air, and sparks flew, with Envy at the center of it all. Edward forced himself to gaze directly into the eye of the storm, his eyes watering with the effort.  He watched on in horror as a bolt of energy struck Envy through the chest like lightning.

 

“It’s working!” Alphonse cried out over the roar, but Edward couldn’t feel the transmutation.  All he could see was the back-breaking arch of Envy’s spine and the expression on his face, which seemed to be one of immense pain.  Edward was overwhelmed with a fear that harkened back to his childhood, to another transmutation many years ago, to a moment that should have been one of happiness but in which he had lost everything.  He had never wished for his alchemy back more than he did in that moment. This should have been his burden to bare, for Envy. His risk to take, for Al. He couldn’t lose either of them. Not after what he’d gone through to get them in the first place.

 

As quickly as it had begun, it was over.  The sparks dissipated, and the silence returned as powerfully as though it had never been broken.  For a brief moment, everything was still.

 

Then, Envy’s body thudded to the ground.

 

“Envy!”

 

Edward ran forward and fell to his knees beside Envy, his hands shaking just a few inches above his skin.  Under different circumstances, Envy’s nakedness would have elicited a reaction of epic proportions, but just then, Edward couldn’t have cared less.  He didn’t know what to do - how could he tell if a homunculus was alive? There were no sparks, no breath, no movement of any kind. His eyes were closed, as if in sleep.  It was instinct more than anything that brought his fingers up to rest at the pulse point of Envy’s neck, but there it was. Ed wrapped his arms around Envy’s back and pulled him up, pressing his ear to the bare skin of Envy’s chest.  And there it was again. The strong, steady sound of a heartbeat.

 

Suddenly, Envy heaved in a massive breath, his chest expanding against Ed’s cheek.  Ed jerked his head back like he’d been burned. Envy coughed, heaved air into his lungs, and his face scrunched up in discomfort.  Then, his eyes opened. Those beautiful, lavender eyes gazed up into Edward’s, and he saw his pupils, no longer cat-like slits but round, unguarded, open, and undeniably human.

 

“Ed?” Envy murmured, and it was like a dam had broken.  Edward was crying, and so was Envy. Even Al allowed a few tears to stream down his face.  He looked down at Ed and Envy as they held each other and cried, and he knew in his heart - they had done it.

 

Edward had dissolved into a strange combination of laughing and crying, but he composed himself just long enough to inquire as to Envy’s wellbeing.  “How do you feel?”

 

It took Envy a moment to reply, because oh, he _felt._  He felt so much, and he couldn’t begin to put it onto words.  Everything he’d felt before, stronger, so strong that it was painful.  An aching in his chest whenever he looked into Ed’s golden eyes that made his throat clench and his heart - oh, his _heart,_ how he felt it thudding against his ribs, echoing in his ears.

 

There were new things too, though.  An uncomfortable prickling sensation against his skin that he couldn’t place at first.

 

“I’m cold,” he realised.  Ed looked like this was the most incredible news he’d ever received.

 

“Yeah?” he asked, another tear streaming down his cheek.

 

“Yeah,” Envy breathed.

 

“Here,” Edward said, releasing Envy so he could take off his own signature red jacket and drape it over Envy’s body.

 

“Thanks,” Envy murmured, reaching up a brushing a bit of Edward’s blond hair behind his ear, just like Ed had done to him the night before.  He smiled at him. This was it. This was their after. This was their now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gimme comments. They make me write more chapters.


	10. Forgiveness

When Ed first helped Envy to his feet, Envy had almost fallen over, and his vision had gone fuzzy.  Ed had called it light-headedness and said it was most likely due to his new bloodflow.

 

“You’ll feel better once you eat something,” Ed told him, wrapping his arm around Envy’s waist to support his weight.  Envy draped one arm over Ed’s shoulders and held Ed’s coat closed with his free hand.

 

“We’ll get you some new clothes,” Ed assured him.  “In the meantime, I have some old clothes that should fit you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

The stairs up to the main level were torture.  Envy thought he might pass out at any minute, but it was worth it to see the looks on Winry and Pinako’s faces.

 

“I knew you guys could do it,” Winry said, smiling at all three of them in turn.

 

“So did I,” Envy agreed, looking up at Ed to make sure he’d heard.  The blond didn’t say anything in response, but Envy could tell he’d been listening by the pink flush on his cheeks.

 

“We all knew,” Pinako said, stepping forward to examine Envy up close.  She reached out her right hand, and Envy shook it firmly. “Welcome home, Envy.”

 

For the rest of the morning, everyone fussed over him, making sure he was clothed and fed and comfortable.  Envy would never admit it, but it was actually sort of nice. He would have been happy to carry on like that forever, but it was all so overwhelming.  Everything was so intense. Every sensation felt like it had been multiplied exponentially, from the temperature of the air, to the texture of the surface of the dining table, to the way the food tasted.  It was all so much to take in, and by noon, Envy was exhausted, both mentally and physically.

 

He was finally experiencing what it felt like to be a human, and the last thing he wanted to do was sleep, but his body seemed to be insisting.  Ed let him borrow a tank top and a pair of shorts and led him upstairs to one of the guest rooms reserved for patients.

 

“Just shout if you need anything,” Ed told him, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Sure,” Envy agreed, settling under the covers of the bed.

 

“Right,” Edward said, “Well, I’ll just be…”  He gestured awkwardly at the door and scurried out to give Envy some peace and quiet.  Envy was asleep within moments.

 

Out in the hall, Edward found himself overcome with the urge to go back into the room and sit with Envy.  It was a totally weird and creepy urge, so he squashed it quickly and hurried downstairs. However, he stopped on the landing when he heard Al and Winry talking to each other in hushed voices.  He could have sworn he’d heard them mention his name.

 

“I’m just saying that he should know what he’s getting into, is all,” Winry was saying.

 

“Brother can take care of himself,” Al assured her.  Ed knew he should probably reveal his presence, but his curiosity got the better of him.

 

“Don’t get me wrong.  I like Envy, I’m just not sure I trust him.”

 

Edward blinked.  What did Envy have to do with this?

 

“I do,” Al told her, “I really think he’s changed.”

 

“Even if he has changed, who knows what he’s done in the past?  What if Ed learns something he can’t look past?”

 

Al hesitated.  “Envy has done awful things, but Brother knows all of it.  Really, Winry, you don’t need to worry about them. I think they might actually be good for each other.”

 

Edward blushed.  Surely they didn’t think…

 

“How do you know that he knows everything?  Envy could be hiding something. If he really does love Ed, he won’t want him knowing anything that might deter him.”

 

Ed had heard enough.  He stood up and walked down the last few stairs.

 

“I know everything,” he said.  Winry blushed and looked at the floor.

 

Edward thought back over the past two years.  Envy  _ had _ done terrible things, and he’d openly admitted to it.  He would be lying if he said that those confessions didn’t still disturb him.  Ishval. Hughes. He hadn’t known if he couldn’t ever truly forgive Envy for those things, at least, not until last night.

 

Sitting with Envy on the porch and watching as he cried over the things he’d done had opened Edward’s eyes to another facet of him.  Those gleeful confessions were a lie, even though the words spoken had been true. Envy hadn’t enjoyed those acts - he’d simply been following orders.  Pretending to enjoy them was the only way he could bring himself to commit such terrible acts.

 

It reminded him of another confession.  If he could forgive Mustang and Hawkeye for killing innocent people in Ishval, he could forgive Envy.  The only difference was the coping mechanism. Roy and Riza seemed to have disconnected from their feelings about Ishval, whereas Envy pretended to revel in it.  Everyone had followed orders in that godforsaken war.

 

“I know what he’s done, and I forgive him.  I forgive him,” he said again, this time to himself.  He knew in that moment that it was true. He wouldn’t hold anything against Envy, not if he’d been ordered to do it.  Envy blamed himself, and Edward wouldn’t add to that blame. Envy had finally let his defense mechanism down, and he would feel the effects of that full-force.  Damned if Edward wasn’t going to be there for him.

 

“I forgive him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make the world go round.


	11. The Meaning of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I was doing an inpatient program at the hospital, but I'm back now! I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

_ “You humans don’t make any sense to me.  You throw away your lives for nothing.” _

 

_ And there it was.  That goddamned photo that flashed in front of him every time he closed his eyes, only it wasn’t a photo.  They were standing there in front of him, moving and breathing and laughing - alive as they had ever been.  There were the smiling faces of the family he had torn apart, of the man he’d shot in cold blood. _

 

_ “You look surprised,” he had said.  What had he done? _

 

_ And then there was the little girl, smiling up at him from her mother’s arms.  Her features suddenly shifted, and she was standing on the ground. Her smiling face now had red eyes and brown skin.  She held a stuffed toy at her side. Then, there was a sound that split the silence, the unmistakable sound of a gunshot, turning into a scream. _

 

_ All at once, he was back beneath Central, watching as Greed was slowly lowered into a giant vat of boiling lava.  He had been right, it was pretty cheesy. Then, he was no longer watching from the ground, but from up where Greed had been a second ago.  He could feel the lava destroying his legs over and over and over, and he thought to himself, _ I should have just let this happen.  It wasn’t worth it to follow his orders.  I should have just let him kill me.

 

“Envy!” Edward called out.

 

Envy’s eyes snapped open, and he found himself looking up at Ed, who was leaning over him with a look of concern on his face.  He didn’t deserve that concern. He didn’t deserve this humanity he’d been given. He didn’t even deserve to be alive.

 

“Are you okay?” Ed asked, brushing Envy’s hair out of his eyes.  

 

It was all Envy could do to shake his head no and choke on a sob he’d been holding in.  He absently wondered if humans could run out of tears.

 

Edward hushed him, leaning in and holding Envy’s face to his chest.

 

“It’s okay,” he said softly, “It’s okay.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Envy whimpered, repeating the phrase over and over until his throat was raw.  “I didn’t want to.” And oh, that was it. There is was, out in the world. It was all that had kept him from falling apart, and he was shattering to pieces.

 

Edward’s breath hitched.  He hadn’t expected Envy to just come out and say it like that, even if he’d known it to be true.  Edward knew what that confession meant, and he couldn’t imagine what Envy was going through as a result.  His tears seemed to show no signs of stopping, and his breaths were coming in great gasps interspersed with hyperventilating.  It was all Ed could do to keep from crying himself.

 

“It’s okay,” he said again, “I forgive you.”

 

This seemed to be the worst thing he could have possibly said.  Envy cried even harder, which Ed had previously thought was impossible.

 

“H-h-how?” Envy gasped.  He just couldn’t imagine how Edward could forgive him so easily.  “I did- He told me to-”

 

“I know, I know,” Ed reassured him, running his fingers comfortingly through Envy’s hair.

 

“He would’ve killed me but I- I shouldn’t have- I should be  _ dead!” _

 

“NO!” Ed yelled, losing his cool, “Don’t ever say that!”

 

Ed was crying too now.  He pulled Envy’s head back and held it between his hands, gazing directly into his eyes.  “Don’t… You can’t punish yourself for doing what you had to in order to stay alive, dammit!”

 

“At what cost, Ed?” Envy hiccupped.

 

“That’s not your price to pay,” Edward insisted, pressing his forehead to Envy’s. Their tears intermingled.  “It’s  _ his,” _ Ed spat out, like the very mention of that bearded bastard qualified as a curse.

 

“I’m a part of him,” Envy whimpered, looking down.

 

“No,” Edward said, “Not anymore.”

 

“What?”

 

“Look,” Edward told him, leaning back and pulling the sheets away from Envy’s legs, “Look.”

 

He grasped Envy’s left leg by the knee, pushing the shorts Envy had borrowed up his leg so his entire thigh was exposed.

 

“Do you see that?” Ed asked, gesturing to the creamy expanse of unblemished skin.  “Your ouroboros is  _ gone.” _

 

_ Oh, _ Envy thought,  _ I hadn’t even noticed. _

 

“You aren’t a part of him anymore,” Edward told him, letting go of his leg and leaning back up to look Envy in the eye.  “You aren’t just somebody else’s sin. You’re a person. A human being. Your life means so much more… so much more than you could imagine.  It means so much to me… You can’t just throw that away. Please…”

 

Envy gazed, wide-eyed, up at Edward.  He had pressed their foreheads together once again, and his voice shook.  He squeezed his eyes shut, and Envy could see the tears clinging to his eyelashes.

 

“I need you.”

 

Envy wasn’t sure which of them had said it, but it didn’t really matter, because the next moment, their lips were pressed against each other.  It was messy. Their breathing was ragged from crying, and salty tears mixed between their mouths. Envy wouldn’t have traded it for the world.


	12. How Humans Feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I owe you guys an explanation, and here it is: my brother-in-law passed away shortly after I posted the previous chapter, and his loss was a really intense blow to myself and my relationship. I think his passing was the reason my husband cheated on me. It was sort of his unhealthy coping mechanism. We tried to make it work, we really did, but our divorce was just finalized. I've found it really hard to write about a happy, budding relationship after all of that, but I think that doing so will help me heal. I truly love everyone who has left positive feedback for my work, and I'm happy to say that I'll be throwing myself back into it with as much vigor as I can muster. I hope that you all enjoy the new chapter.

Envy didn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have, because he jerked awake when he felt something cold brush against the back of his ankle.

 

“Are you okay?” a voice asked, and Envy felt hot breath against the back of his neck.  He huffed out a laugh.

 

“Did you have a another nightmare?” Ed asked, propping himself up on his elbow so he could see Envy’s face.  Envy turned so he could look up at Ed.

 

“No, your automail was cold,” he told him, smiling.

 

“Oh,” Edward said, blushing, “Sorry about that.”

 

“I’ll get used to it,” Envy assured him.  It took him a moment to realize what he’d said, and what that statement implied.  His face suddenly felt like a furnace. “I- I mean, I won’t get used to it, that is- why would I?  When would I even have the chance to? That is, unless you wanted me to, but that’s-”

 

“Envy,” Ed cut him off.  His face was about as red as Envy’s felt.  “That would be okay, if- if you got used to it.”  Edward then pressed a quick kiss to Envy’s left cheek, like a period at the end of his sentence, and rolled over.

 

Envy took a moment to register what Ed had just told him.  His heart gave a little skip, and he wrapped himself around Ed from behind.  “You’re adorable,” he informed him.

 

“Excuse you, I am a badass,” Edward corrected.

 

Envy giggled.  “An  _ adorable _ badass.”

 

“Weirdo,” Ed muttered.

 

“Jackass,” Envy replied, squeezing Ed around the middle.

 

They stayed like that for a moment, content to just share each other's company.  After a while, Ed sighed.

 

“We should probably go downstairs.  You slept through lunch. I’ll bet it’s almost time for dinner.”

 

Envy didn’t really want to move, but he found that he was dealing with another new sensation.  It was an unpleasant, ugly pain in his abdomen, like his gut was trying to cave in on itself. 

 

_ This must be hunger. _

 

“Okay,” Envy agreed reluctantly, “But dinner better be ready soon.”

 

Ed chuckled at him, and they got out of bed.

 

When they got downstairs, they received some knowing looks, but no one commented on the fact that they had walked downstairs together, each of them sporting a spectacular bedhead, so Envy counted that as a win.  They could make whatever assumptions they wanted to, so long as they kept it to themselves.

 

Envy scarfed down his dinner, and was pleasantly surprised when Winry brought out an apple pie for dessert.  Envy ate the pie a little more slowly, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing a second slice.

 

“If you keep going like that, you’ll get a stomach ache,” Al warned him.

 

“I feel fine,” Envy dismissed, finishing the last of his crust.  “Hell, I could have more.”

 

“No way,” Winry told him, pulling the pie out of his reach.

 

Envy was about to call Winry a very rude name when Ed laid his hand over Envy’s on top of the table.  “You need to be careful. You don’t want to make yourself sick.”

 

“Like you’re one to talk, Brother,” Al chuckled.

 

“Yeah, Ed, you used to eat enough for three people,” Winry chimed in.

 

“Whatever,” Ed groaned, “Jeez, I’m sorry I said anything.”

 

All the same, Ed’s hand stayed entwined with Envy’s for the rest of the meal.

 

As it turned out, the sensation of feeling full was a delayed thing. About fifteen minutes after they had cleared the table, Envy started to feel like a balloon was swelling up inside him, only the balloon was full of rocks. An hour after that, Envy spent some quality bonding time with the Rockbell residence’s toilet. Envy wasn’t about to admit his mistake, especially not when Ed shot him a look that clearly meant “I told you so,” but he still learned his lesson.

 

When Envy closed the bathroom door behind him, looking haggard, he had sort of expected Ed to give him a wide berth. After all, he had just performed what had to be most disgusting human bodily function in existence, but Ed simply patted the spot on the couch beside him. Once Envy had sunk into the cushions, Ed placed his hand ever so casually on Envy’s knee, gently rubbing his thumb over dip beside his kneecap.

 

Edward didn’t make a big deal out of this gesture, but to Envy it was something foreign and new and exciting and intimate. He didn’t know how Ed knew how to do these things. Was there some sort of manual humans had on how to be affectionate? Who taught them this universal language of care and compassion? How did Ed know how to wrap his arms around Envy in a way that made Envy feel safe and cared for and terrified all at the same time? What had compelled him to brush Envy’s hair out of his face? How had Ed known that wiping Envy’s tears from his cheeks would make Envy’s heart swell in a way that was painful and wonderful all at once? How did he know that putting his hand on Envy’s knee would make him feel simultaneously comforted and alight with a feeling he dared not name?

 

Envy wanted to lean into Ed and breathe him in. He wanted to press against him and take comfort in his presence, and Envy wondered if that was how Edward felt as well. Perhaps no one taught humans anything about affection. Maybe it was just ingrained into their very being, making itself heard in a desire to simply seek comfort and warmth in one another. Maybe what Envy was feeling right now wasn’t so different from what humans felt all the time. He decided to test it out, before he second-guessed himself. He slowly leaned over and gently rested his head on Edward’s shoulder, holding his breath as he waited for a reaction.

 

At first, Ed went very still, and Envy wondered if he’d made a mistake after all, but just as he was about to pull away and move to another country, Edward relaxed and leaned back, so his head was on top of Envy’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I other news, I've adopted a kitten. His butt is in my face.


	13. Looking the Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't very plot heavy, but I guess it's okay. I hope you guys enjoy it.

“Listen,” Envy told Edward, “I don’t want to overstate the issue or anything, but if I have to wear your old clothes for one more day I will actually die.”

 

Edward snorted. “We can go shopping tomorrow, okay?”

 

“Why can’t we go today?” Envy asked.

 

“Patience is a virtue,” Edward told him.

 

“Move to strike as unresponsive,” Envy huffed.

 

“What?” Edward asked, giving him a weird look.

 

“It means you didn’t answer my question, dumbass,” Envy informed him.

 

Edward sighed at length. “You really want to go now?” he asked.

 

Envy nodded enthusiastically.

 

Edward stared down at him for a moment before relenting. “Fine. Go shower and we’ll go.”

 

Envy was so excited that he didn’t even object to taking a shower. His first few attempts at showering had been disastrous, to put it mildly, but he was starting to get the hang of it. He was pretty much a master at soap, and even shaving wasn’t quite as dangerous as it had once been. The biggest problem was his hair. Apparently having hair as long and thick as his meant using half of the conditioner each time he had the misfortune of getting dirty enough to warrant a shower. He had even considered cutting it for all of five seconds before deciding that it was worth the hassle.

 

Envy was eager enough that he ran downstairs with his hair still damp, and Ed, rather than scolding him, just laughed.

 

They walked into town hand in hand. The wind blew through Envy’s hair, drying it long before they reached their destination, and Envy felt that life couldn’t be better. The cool breeze sent a chill over Envy’s cheeks, the sun was shining, and he was with Ed. Really, the only thing that could make the moment any better would be…  _ clothes. _

 

The bell over the shop door jingled pleasantly in greeting when they crossed the threshold. Displays of clothes fanned out in seemingly every direction, offering up infinite options for Envy to choose from, which was both daunting and fantastic.

 

Apparently Envy’s awe was written on his face, because Ed took one look at him and laughed. Envy glared at him.

 

Edward tried to force his mirth down, but he couldn’t seem to clear the smile off his face. “Go ahead,” he urged, gesturing for Envy to explore the racks of clothing. Envy eyed him as he walked over to the nearest display. He made a show of checking the price tag, as if to say,  _ you don’t bother me at all, look at me, cool as a cucumber, _ but a sudden thought struck him.

 

“Ed, uh, how much- I mean, this shirt is twenty-seven hundred cens.” He trailed off, feeling stupid and rude, but he had no idea how to handle the situation. It wasn’t like money was something he’d had to take into account much when he’d been a homunculus. Luckily, Edward didn’t seem offended. In fact, he seemed almost… amused.

 

“Envy, the military is going to be paying me buttloads of money for the rest of my natural life after what happened in Central,” he told him, “Go nuts.”

 

Envy didn’t need any more encouragement. He was off. Ed watched as he rushed throughout the store, draping clothes over his arm if he liked them, and making faces if he didn’t. Ed knew better than to say it out loud, especially in a public place, but he thought seeing Envy like this was adorable.

 

Envy spent over an hour trying on various outfits, ranging from skirts and tank tops to pressed pants and suit jackets. At one point a store clerk gave Envy a strange look, but Edward sent him a venomous glare in return. Thankfully, Envy was too preoccupied looking at himself in the mirror to notice the silent exchange.

 

The wide variety of clothing Envy was putting on the ‘yes’ pile had only one thing in common. All the clothes were black. Ed smirked. “Is there a funeral I don’t know about?” he asked lightly.

 

Envy looked confused for a moment before understanding dawned on his face. “Black is slimming,” he defended, “and you’re not one to talk. Your favorite outfit consists of a black shirt, black pants, and a black jacket.”

 

“And a red coat,” Edward told him, “The key is to know how to accessorize.”

 

Envy snorted, as if the idea of taking fashion advice from Edward were simply preposterous. “And what would you suggest, oh wise one?”

 

Edward paused, looking around the closest clothing displays before his eyes alighted on the perfect garment. He grabbed it and quickly held it up in front of Envy so he could see it in the mirror. The top was a pretty lilac color with the shoulders cut out. Envy looked as if the garment had personally offended him.

 

“It’s purple,” he said.

 

“Well, yeah,” Edward agreed. “Not everyone can wear purple and say it brings out their eyes.”

 

Envy’s cheeks flooded pink in a matter of seconds. He yanked the shirt out of Ed’s hands and threw it down without another word. And if he just so happened to throw it down on the ‘yes’ pile, Edward didn’t comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news, I've been writing this kind of obsessively. The chapters are getting a lot longer, but I think they're also getting better. I hope you guys will stick with me, even if the chapters do get longer. I always appreciate comments, and kudos are great as well. Also, for those of you wondering about the price of the shirt, it's actually about $24. I calculated the cens value using Japanese yen instead of USD.


	14. Clarification

It was noon on a Saturday, and Envy was searching for an excuse to go outside. He had just finished reading his book, and he was looking for something else to keep him occupied. He made his way into the kitchen, because that seemed to be the place everyone liked to spend time, only to find Ed and Al engaged in an arm wrestling match. Winry was leaning against the counter, sipping her tea and looking mildly interested at best.

 

Envy snorted at their antics. They appeared to be at a stalemate, so he walked up to them and put his hand on top of theirs, pulling them over in Al’s favor.

 

“Hey!” Ed yelled.

 

“Does this mean I win?” Al joked.

 

“Envy…” Ed groaned, “You’re supposed to be on my side!”

 

“Why?” Envy asked curiously.

 

Ed looked suddenly embarrassed. “Well, I, um…”

 

Al tried to laugh silently, but his shoulders still shook with mirth. Winry has put her hand over her mouth, like she was trying not to spit out her tea.

 

“I’m missing something, aren’t I?” Envy asked.

 

“Nope,” Al giggled.

 

Winry swallowed her tea. “Not at all.”

 

“I hate you all,” Ed grumbled, but Envy knew he didn’t mean it.

 

“What’s the point of arm-wrestling anyway?” Envy said, “It’s not like it’s productive.”

 

“Told you,” Winry gloated.

 

Ed gasped like they’d both just insulted his manhood. “We,” he said indignantly, gesturing between himself and his brother, “are trying to recover the strength we lost while our bodies were missing.”

 

That gave Envy an idea.

 

“Hey, let’s fight,” he said.

 

Ed looked at him like he’d just said something really strange. “Um. What?”

 

It took him a moment, but Envy realized his mistake. “I didn’t mean real fighting. I meant like for fun, or training or whatever. You know, exercise.”

 

Ed considered his offer before nodding. “Yeah, sure. It’s not a bad idea. Al, do you want to come?” he asked.

 

“Okay,” Al agreed.

 

They both stood from the table, a rare look of excitement in their eyes.

 

“Just try not to kill each other,” Winry warned, but Envy wasn’t really paying attention. It had been so long since his last fight, and he was looking forward to flexing muscles that had been dormant for far too long.

 

Out on the front lawn, Envy flexed his toes, feeling the grass against his bare feet. Although Envy had been adapting to human life rather well, he still insisted that he would never be caught dead wearing shoes. He glanced over at Ed, who was stretching his arms across his chest, then above his head. Al was stretching, too, and Envy didn’t want to look out of place.

 

He dropped down, stretching his left leg out to the side, bending over his right knee, and then switched legs. Ed paused in his stretching to watch Envy, and if his eyes lingered a bit too long, no one would be the wiser.

 

“So, um, Envy,” Al ventured, “Do you know how this works? Sparring I mean.”

 

“I know how to fight,” Envy scoffed.

 

“He means,” Edward interjected, “do you know how to fight without seriously hurting someone.”

 

Envy huffed, “Of course I do. Don’t you remember the first time I met you? We fought then.”

 

“You put me in the hospital!”

 

“Number 48 put you in the hospital,” Envy pointed out, “I just helped out towards the end.”

 

Al snorted.

 

“I could’ve kicked your ass if wasn’t already bleeding out.”

 

“Care for a rematch?” Envy challenged.

 

“You bet.” Ed was smirking, the way he always did when he was feeling overconfident. 

 

Al sighed. “Weren’t we trying to avoid hurting each other?”

 

But it was too late. Ed was already rushing at Envy with his fist raised. Envy flipped out of his reach, and when Ed kept coming, he ducked and swung his leg around to trip him, but Ed jumped up, avoiding the blow. They kept on like that, so used to each other’s fighting styles that neither of them could land a hit. Al needn’t have worried about them hurting each other; their movements were so coordinated that it almost looked like they were dancing rather than fighting. Eventually they were both so tired that they simply laid down in the grass, their chests heaving with exertion. 

 

“I guess I’ll just… practice on my own, then,” Al murmured.

 

“Sorry, Al,” Ed panted, sitting up, “give me half an hour and I’ll be good to go.”

 

“I could’ve won,” Envy grunted, sitting up as well, “It’s these clothes. They weigh me down. If I had my old outfit, I could’ve kicked your ass.”

 

Alphonse giggled despite himself.

 

Ed and Envy sat on the couch inside in silence, coming down from their adrenaline highs. They were both tired and sweaty, and they didn’t have the energy to hold a conversation, so they just sat together in silence, leaning on each other. Even though Envy could tell he was still tired, Ed was true to his word, and in half an hour he was back up to spar with Al.

 

Envy laid down, sprawling across the couch. He reached up to the junction between his neck and shoulder, rubbing at the skin there. There was an ache apparent just beneath the skin, and Envy pressed down on it, not really knowing what he was hoping to achieve. At any rate, pressing down gave him some relief, in a strange sort of way. It was like the pain of pressing down replaced the pain that was already there, and it was more bearable, so he continued to press, harder, and then harder.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Envy jumped. He hadn’t even heard Edward and Alphonse come back inside.

 

“Nothing,” Envy said quickly, “Nothing, my neck just sort of… aches.”

 

“Here, sit up,” Ed told him.

 

“Uh, why?” Envy asked.

 

“Just do it.”

 

Envy sat up. Ed walked around the couch and sat down beside him.

 

“Turn around,” he instructed. Envy did as he was told. Envy held his breath, not sure what Ed was going to do, and he jumped slightly when Ed’s hands found their way up onto his neck. Ed then began to knead his fingers into Envy’s shoulders, moving slowly up to his neck, and then back down again.

 

Al quietly left the room, for which Envy was grateful. He couldn’t quite place why, but for some reason this moment seemed private, like something sacred, just for him and Edward. Ed continued to rub his neck, brushing Envy’s hair off to the side and placing a small kiss on Envy’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, Ed?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Are we…” Envy paused, considering how to phrase the question, “Well… what are we? To each other, I mean?”

 

Ed paused, considering. He let his hands fall away from Envy’s back, and Envy turned around to face him.

 

Eventually, Ed spoke. “I don’t know.”

 

Envy looked down at his hands, not sure how to respond to that. Did that mean that Ed didn’t feel the same way as he did?

 

“Does it really need a name?” Ed asked. 

 

Envy blinked, looking back up.

 

“It’s not that there’s nothing here,” Ed murmured, slowly, considering his words carefully. “It just feels wrong to put a label on it. Putting it all inside of one word seems like it would limit what we have. Why can’t we just… care about each other?”

 

Envy smiled. “Since when are you so articulate?”

 

Ed huffed out a small laugh.

 

Envy still had one question, though. “But this is like… I mean, we’re more than friends, right?”

 

Ed chuckled. “Yeah, we’re more than friends.”

 

“So… that means that we… won’t… I mean, with anyone else.”

 

It took Ed a moment to realize that Envy was trying to ask if they were exclusive, and when he did put it together, he couldn’t help laughing.

 

“What’s this, Envy? Afraid you might get jealous?”

 

Envy punched Ed lightly in the arm.

 

“There’s not really a ‘might’ about it,” Envy muttered, “I kind of have a history as far as jealousy goes.”

 

They both chuckled, and Ed reached up and touched Envy’s cheek.

 

“You don’t need to worry. I’m a one homunculus kind of guy.”

 

Envy smirked. “Good to know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like the new chapter! Comments are my life force, and kudos are the air I breathe.


	15. Family

After spending almost four whole months at the Rockbell home, Envy had begun to feel almost like one of the family. Almost. While he never felt alienated, per se, there were times when Ed, Al, and Winry would sit around the coffee table talking about things Envy just couldn’t relate to. Stuff they’d done as kids, times one of them had done something silly or embarrassing, and while the words they used were in plain English, they might as well have been speaking Xingese for all Envy understood of it.

 

This was one of those times.

 

“And your head swelled up like a melon!”

 

“And whose fault was that, huh?”

 

“And you thought you were being so clever!”

 

And on they went. Envy eventually stood up and walked over towards the kitchen.

 

“Where are you going, Envy?” Ed asked. Envy was surprised that Ed had even noticed his leaving.

 

“I’m… just going to see if I can help Pinako with dinner,” Envy explained, thinking on his feet. He didn’t want Ed to think he was mad at him or anything, because he really, really wasn’t. These conversations just weren’t very fun for him, that was all.

 

“Oh, okay,” Ed acknowledged, giving him a small smile, as if to say  _ I’ll still care about you, whenever you you are. _

 

Envy returned the smile and headed into the kitchen. He was instantly overwhelmed by the strong smell of spices. Pinako didn’t look up at him when he entered, but she rarely acknowledged anything he did. Envy had learned that this wasn’t a malicious action, it was just her nature. She was always nice to him, even if at times she could be rather strict.

 

“What’s for dinner?” Envy asked, hoping to make conversation.

 

“Jambalaya,” she replied, continuing to dice the ham laid out on her cutting board.

 

“Anything I can help with?” 

 

Pinako looked up at him then, eyeing him carefully.

 

“It’s been a while since anyone’s offered to help with the cooking around here,” she said eventually, “I’d be glad of the help.”

 

She gave Envy a rare smile, and Envy was elated. He walked further into the kitchen, looking at the ingredients she’d laid out. Envy had never even had jambalaya before, much less prepared it, so he decided to defer to her knowledge.

 

“Just tell me what to do,” he said.

 

“Here,” she said, handing him the knife she was holding, “You can take over cutting up the ham, and I’ll start sauteing the vegetables. Cut small pieces. This size, see?”

 

Envy nodded, doing as he was instructed. Pinako went over to the stove, scraping bits of onion, celery, and green peppers into a pan filled with butter. Envy watched her for a moment before focusing on his own task. Evidently, he wasn’t the only one observing their cooking partner, because Pinako suddenly said, “You handle that knife well. I take it you’ve cooked before.”

 

Envy was startled by the compliment. “Yes, I- well, some. A bit.”

 

Pinako eyed him.

 

Envy sighed. He didn’t really know how much Pinako knew about him and his past. He’d certainly never her told her, and he didn’t know what Ed, Al, and Winry had said about him, if anything. Still, he decided to be candid.

 

“Whenever Father took… prisoners…” he swallowed, “it was my job to keep them fed. So I learned to cook. I actually started enjoying it. I guess we didn’t have much to do as far as hobbies go.”

 

Pinako seemed to sense his unease. “I don’t know much about your involvement with what happened in Central, and I don’t need to know. I do know that you weren’t human, and that now you are, and I know you fought against Edward often enough to give Winry misgivings about his relationship with you.”

 

Envy looked down at his feet, feeling his cheeks redden.

 

“I also know that she’s changed her mind about you. And I know that Edward cares about you dearly. I’m also confident that if you were a threat to myself or anyone else in this house, I would know it.”

 

Envy sighed. “I am dangerous,” he admitted.

 

“I didn’t say you weren’t dangerous. I said you weren’t a threat. There’s a difference.”

 

Envy still didn’t look up.

 

Pinako took a deep breath before putting down the wooden spoon she’d been using to push around the contents of the pan. She walked over to Envy, putting a hand on his arm. Envy didn’t really think much about Pinako’s height, as her commanding presence more than made up for it, but there were moments, like this one, when he was reminded suddenly of how short she was and felt a bit disconcerted.

 

“I don’t believe that people are good or evil,” she said, “I think that people do good and bad things, for whatever reasons they think are right, even if someone else would call those reasons wrong. I found out recently that my son and his wife treated both soldiers and Ishvalans during the civil war. They believed they were doing the right thing, and I personally agree, but there are some who would call their actions treasonous. On the other hand, I had a very dear friend, who I still believe is a good person, who walked out on his wife and sons without so much as a goodbye. So, you see, people aren’t so simple as good or evil. We’re all a combination of right and wrong, and we’ve all made wrong decisions. Sometimes we wish we didn’t, but then we wouldn’t be human, now would we?”

 

Envy nodded solemnly. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell which decisions are the right ones,” he murmured.

 

“Almost always,” she agreed, “but we try, and that’s all anyone can do.”

 

Envy gave her a shaky smile before nodding to her pan of vegetables. “Those could probably use a stir.”

 

She nodded, walking back over to the pan and taking up her wooden spoon once again. They cooked the rest of the meal in a comfortable sort of silence, only speaking when they had to in order to prepare the food. When the time came to serve dinner, they did so together, passing plates out to Ed, Al, Winry, and then themselves.

 

“It looks delicious,” Al complimented.

 

“Well, if it tastes bad, at least we know it’s Envy’s fault,” Ed joked.

 

“Hey!” Envy protested, giving Ed a light shove, even if he was laughing while he did.

 

Ed grasped Envy’s hand briefly, squeezing it before letting go to eat his dinner. Envy thought that maybe, just maybe, he actually was a part of the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I know that Ed and Envy's relationship wasn't the main focus of this chapter, but I want to really flesh out Envy's experience as he adjusts to his new life. If you liked it, please let me know down in the comments section!


	16. Cause and Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may have noticed that added some tags. This is just a little extra warning. Envy has a flashback in this chapter. I think it's natural that he would be traumatized by what happened to him in the tunnels underneath Central, and that shows through here. With that aside, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Envy had begun cooking almost a third of the meals at the house, trying different recipes from just about every cookbook he could get his hands on. Today, he was making steak, something that he’d made before, but he could definitely improve on. Unfortunately, he didn’t think this was going to be the day he achieved that goal. The meat he was working with was so fatty that he wasn’t even sure it would be edible. Still, Envy would be damned if he didn’t at least try. He’d promised to make dinner, and goddammit, he would make dinner.

 

Sweat dripped down his forehead, because he’d been leaning over the top of the pan more often than was strictly necessary, like maybe if he looked at the meat from a different angle it wouldn’t seem so hopeless. 

 

The only thing saving him from despair was Ed. Ever since he’d taken up cooking, Ed had started sitting with him in the kitchen. He didn’t do it every time Envy cooked, but he did it often enough.

 

“I think I might have to make this into stew,” Envy muttered, mourning his attempted meal.

 

“Stop worrying so much,” Ed chided, “Your cooking is always good, and even if you do end up making stew, I won’t be complaining.”

 

Envy let a small smile creep onto his face, gently pushing the meat around with the spatula. That was when it happened. At first, Envy didn’t actually know what was happening. His entire field of vision was obscured by fire, and he jerked back, more startled than anything else. It wasn’t until the flames had gone back down that he registered the pain.

 

Envy fell to the floor with a crash, and Edward was at his side within seconds.

 

“Envy?!” he cried, kneeling down beside him. He quickly took a visual inventory of Envy’s condition, only coming up with a burn on his right hand. It looked painful, but not serious. “Envy, you’re gonna be fine, it’s okay.”

 

But Envy didn’t seem to hear him. His breath was becoming more labored by the second, and his eyes were wide, staring out, but he didn’t seem to see anything. Edward didn’t understand. Winry came running into kitchen, followed shortly by Al. They must have heard Envy falling over, or maybe they’d heard Edward calling to him. It didn’t matter. Envy still wasn’t responding.

 

“Envy, come on, talk to me!” Edward pleaded, reaching out to touch his cheek. This too, was met with an unexpected reaction. Instead of leaning into Edward’s hand, like he normally would have, Envy flinched violently back, and Edward pulled away like he was the one who had been burned, because suddenly he understood. That wasn’t pain. That was fear.

 

“Ed, what’s going on?” Winry asked hesitantly.

 

“The… the food,” he gestured absently, “It caught on fire, or something. Envy got burned.”

 

“Well, here, let’s run it under some cool water,” she suggested, bending down to take Envy’s hand.

 

“Don’t touch him!”

 

Winry flinched away, but she seemed to understand. Instead, she knelt down beside Ed, focusing on Envy’s face, rather than his hand.

 

“Envy?” she asked calmly, gently. “Envy, can you hear me?”

 

Envy didn’t respond. Winry nudged Ed gently. “Talk to him,” she instructed, “Stay calm. Don’t be aggressive.”

 

Ed swallowed, scooting a tad closer to Envy, still not touching him. “Envy? Envy, it’s Ed. Um. You got a little hurt, but you’re okay.”

 

Ed glanced over to Winry, silently asking her if he was doing this right. She nodded.

 

“Envy, can you look at me?” he tried. It took a few times repeating himself, but eventually Envy managed to lock eyes with Ed, and as he did so, tears began streaming down his cheeks. “Good,” Ed praised, “Good. That’s good,” he said, even though he felt like his heart was breaking.

 

“Ed?” Envy’s voice was so quiet that Ed could barely hear him.

 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Ed encouraged, “Can I… can I touch you?”

 

Another pause, but then Envy nodded. Ed leaned in carefully, slowly easing Envy into a hug. The moment Envy’s face was buried in Ed’s shoulder, he seemed to completely break down. He clutched at Ed’s shirt, like if he didn’t hold on tight enough he would be yanked back into the flames of vengeance. His shoulders shook, and Ed felt tears against his collarbone. He smoothed his hand over Envy’s back, hushing him.

 

“It’s okay,” he said, “You’re okay…”

 

Envy cried himself out like that, and Winry and Al were kind enough to remain silent while he did. Edward pressed a kiss to the side of Envy’s head, continuing to rub his back until he’d calmed down.

 

Eventually, Envy pulled away, wiping his face off on his sleeve. Winry scooted closer to him.

 

“Envy?” she asked.

 

Envy turned to look at her, sniffing.

 

“Can you stand up so we can take care of your burn?” she murmured.

 

Envy nodded, getting to his feet shakily. Edward held his elbow until he was sure he wouldn’t fall over again. He still looked far from okay. Ed and Winry gently guided Envy to the sink, and Al carefully removed the pan from the stove. Envy hissed and flinched when the water first ran over the burn, but he didn’t complain. He let them run the water until they were satisfied.

 

“How about you guys go out and sit on the couch?” Winry offered.

 

Envy nodded, and he and Ed headed out to the living room. Ed kept his hand on the small of Envy’s back, letting him know he wasn’t alone. They sat down on the couch, and Envy leaned back, still clutching his hand to his chest. His breathing still wasn’t completely normal, but at least he wasn’t panicking anymore. Ed squeezed his thigh.

 

They sat together for a moment, listening to Al and Winry talking in the kitchen.

 

“What do you think happened?” Al was asking.

 

“I think Envy had a flashback,” Winry answered.

 

“I meant what happened to the food.”

 

“Oh.”

 

There was a pause.

 

“I think some of the fat probably dripped out of the pan.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Can you clean up in here?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Then Winry came out of the kitchen with a roll of white gauze in her hand. She sat down on the coffee table across from Envy.

 

“Give me your hand,” she instructed.

 

Envy hesitated for a moment before stretching out his hand so she could bandage it. He did his best to keep his face neutral while she wrapped the gauze around his palm, but his eyebrows were knit together in discomfort. Ed squeezed his thigh again.

 

“There you go,” she said once she’d finished. She stood up, shooting Envy a gentle look before going to join Al in the kitchen.

 

Ed and Envy sat in silence for a moment. Then, Ed laid back, tugging Envy down so his head was on Ed’s chest. Ed carded his hand through Envy’s hair. Envy sighed, settling down.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ed asked.

 

“No,” Envy said.

 

“Okay.”

 

“It just… it was right in front of my face, and…”

 

“You don’t need to say anything,” Ed assured him.

 

“Well, I don’t know, maybe I  _ do _ want to,” Envy muttered.

 

“Alright, if you want to.”

 

“It just reminded me. He burned my eyes. Did you know that?”

 

Ed nodded. “Yeah, I knew.”

 

“He burned my eyes, and my face, and my  _ tongue, _ and I-” Envy hiccuped, “I thought that I was back there, and I-”

 

Ed held Envy tight, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

 

“I just got so scared,” Envy confessed, “And I feel so stupid.”

 

“Don’t feel stupid,” Ed told him, “It’s happened to me too.”

 

“It has?” Envy asked, tilting his head to look up at Ed.

 

“Yeah,” Ed admitted. “That night when we tried to bring back Mom… Well, sometimes I think I’ve lived that moment more than I’ve lived my entire life afterwards.”

 

“She must have been amazing woman,” Envy murmured.

 

“She was,” Ed agreed.

 

And Edward told Envy all about Trisha Elric, and how she’d cared for and loved her sons, and Envy felt comforted. Eventually, he fell asleep, right there on Edward’s chest, listening as he spoke of a happier time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Comments are my reason for living!


	17. Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, this isn't the sex chapter. Sorry.

Envy woke up to Edward gently shaking his shoulder. He sat up and found that Winry had brought out bowls of hot stew for them to eat.

 

“Thanks, Winry,” Envy yawned, “I know it was my turn to make dinner.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” she insisted, handing him his bowl. “Careful, it’s hot.”

 

Envy took the bowl gratefully, noting a throbbing pain behind his eyes and at the base of his skull. “My head hurts,” he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

Winry seemed to have anticipated this statement, because she set a cup of tea down on the coffee table for Envy to drink. Envy looked up at her, wondering how she’d known exactly what he’d needed.

 

She seemed to notice his stunned expression, because she smiled. “I always get headaches after I cry,” she explained.

 

Envy smiled at her before she walked away, presumably to go eat at the table with Al and Pinako. He put his soup down on the table so it could cool down and instead picked up the tea, sipping at it contentedly. Ed was slurping up the stew like a regular six-year-old.

 

“How’s your hand?” he asked through a mouthful.

 

“It’s better,” Envy told him, “It still hurts, but not like before.”

 

“That’s good,” Ed mumbled.

 

“You’re eating like Gluttony,” Envy said.

 

Edward glared at him and continued to scarf down his dinner. Envy just laughed at him. 

 

They finished their dinner in silence, leaning against each other.

 

“Hey, Envy?” Ed asked.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What did you do before? I mean, when you weren’t doing things for Father. You must have had free time.”

 

Envy considered the question.

 

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Edward said quickly.

 

“I’m just thinking,” Envy told him. “Honestly, I think I was probably the most busy out of all of us, because I could shapeshift, you know? I was constantly spying on people and spreading misinformation. I actually had a job with the military, with an original identity I came up with. I went in and passed tests and everything.”

 

Edward nodded.

 

“In hindsight, I’m actually sort of glad that I didn’t have much time to myself. Whenever I was left alone to my thoughts… well, they weren’t exactly happy thoughts.”

 

“I guess that makes sense,” Edward said. “I only asked because I’ve noticed that you read a lot.”

 

“Is that bad?” Envy asked.

 

“No, not at all,” Ed assured him, “I know someone who reads all the time. It’s kind of her passion, like alchemy is for me.”

 

“Are you talking about Sciezska?” Envy asked.

 

“You know Sciezska?” Ed looked surprised.

 

“Sure I know Sciezska. She doesn’t actually know  _ me, _ but we talked a few times. She’s nice. A total ditz, but nice.”

 

Ed smiled. “You two could probably spend hours talking about books.”

 

Envy shrugged. Reading books was a fun way to pass the time, but he certainly wouldn’t say it was his life’s passion.

 

“I just wondered if there was something you’d like to do, that’s all,” Ed added.

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Like...” Ed considered, “Getting out of the house. Something you can be passionate about.”

 

Envy contemplated this. He did spend a lot of his time feeling bored, to be honest. The only times he felt truly engaged were when he was cooking and when he was with Ed, but he couldn’t cook all the time, and Ed had things to do other than spending time with him. He mentally went over all the things he’d done over his lifetime. Nothing really struck a chord. He figured a part of that was the fact that he didn’t really want to do something he’d done before.

 

“Everything I’ve ever done… I did for Father. Like, I got good at a lot of things that aren’t necessarily bad, in and of themselves, like drawing, but because I did it for him, I don’t really know if I can enjoy it,” he admitted.

 

“You can draw?” Ed asked.

 

“Yeah,” Envy replied, “Mostly I drew people, since I was the only one that could get close without arousing suspicion. Sometimes I did maps, or building layouts. Stuff like that.”

 

“That’s cool,” Ed told him, remembering something as he said it. “I drew you once.”

 

“Really? I’m flattered,” Envy smirked.

 

“You probably wouldn’t be if you saw the drawing,” Ed muttered.

 

“Did you make me ugly?” Envy asked, making a face.

 

“Not on purpose,” Ed chuckled, “I kind of suck at drawing.”

 

They both laughed, and once they’d stopped laughing, they just smiled at each other. Ed reached up and cupped Envy’s face, running his thumb over Envy’s cheekbone. Envy leaned into the touch, savoring it. They didn’t get many moments like this, when it was just the two of them with nothing to occupy them but each other. Ed wasn’t often affectionate, mostly because when he tried to be it almost always ended up being more awkwardly adorable than affectionate, not that Envy minded. But then there were moments like this, when everything seemed to fall perfectly into place, and they could just breathe each other in, and sometimes Envy felt like he’d been drowning, like kissing Ed was the only thing that could keep him alive.

 

Their lips moved together, and Ed cupped Envy’s face like he was something precious. Envy wrapped his hands around Ed’s torso, and found himself thinking back to the first time they had hugged, and how far they had come since.

 

When they broke apart, Envy couldn’t help the huge smile that found its way onto his face.

 

Ed saw the look and laughed. “What?”

 

“I think I found something I can be passionate about,” he said mirthfully.

 

Edward tossed his head back and laughed some more. “That’s not what I meant,” he chuckled. He leaned in and gave Envy a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Alright, you two.”

 

They both jumped. Neither of them had heard Winry come in.

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt but I thought I had better change Envy’s bandage before bedtime,” she said.

 

Envy had actually completely forgotten about his burn, but now that he had been reminded of it, he supposed it was throbbing a bit. He held out his hand, and Winry unwrapped the old bandage and replaced it with expert efficiency.

 

“You’re really good at that,” Envy commented once she’d finished.

 

“My parents were doctors,” she explained, “They taught me a little, and I read some of their medical textbooks.”

 

“Winry helped deliver a baby once,” Ed added, “There was a storm, so we couldn’t get to a doctor on time, but she knew exactly what to do.”

 

“That’s.. really cool,” Envy said.

 

“Thanks,” Winry said, slowly backing out of the room, “I’ll leave you guys to it.”

 

“Uh, we- we weren’t doing anything,” Envy stammered.

 

Winry nodded and her lips quirked up into a smile that she couldn’t quite conceal.

 

“Sure you weren’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments. Kudos. And I want you guys to tell me: who do you think would propose, Ed or Envy? I want to know, for science.


	18. Brotherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphonse is great. Yep.

Everyone was quiet. It was pissing Envy off. It wasn’t the kind of comfortable silence they sometimes had when everyone was occupied with their own solitary activities. No, this was the uncomfortable kind of silence that Envy could tell everyone wanted to break, but no one seemed willing to. He’d had enough.

“Am I missing something here? Why is everyone acting like we’re competing to see who can keep their mouth shut the longest?”

Al snorted, and Ed and Winry both blushed, looking guilty.

“Hey, Envy?” Edward said, “Can I speak to you privately for a minute?”

Envy raised an eyebrow. “Sure…?”

Envy followed Edward up the stairs to Ed’s bedroom, which Envy had begun mentally referring to as their bedroom, since he spent most nights in there anyway.

“What’s going on, Ed?” he asked, leaving no room for argument.

“It’s kind of a secret,” Ed whispered, “You can’t tell Alphonse.”

Now Envy was even more confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Al’s birthday is coming up,” Ed explained, “It’s his first birthday since getting his body back, so we’re going to throw a surprise party for him.”

“How come no one told me?” Envy asked, looking offended.

“It was Winry’s idea,” Edward soothed, “She didn’t tell me until today, and I didn’t have a chance to tell you without Al overhearing. We can’t really plan anything as long as he’s in the house.”

Envy considered this. “What if I could get him out of the house for the day? Would that help?”

“How?” Ed inquired.

“Well, we need to go shopping, don’t we? I can just ask him to come with me to help carry stuff,” Envy said, shrugging.

“I didn’t know we needed to go shopping,” Edward said, scratching his head.

“Yeah, we’re out of milk,” Envy told him.

Ed made a face. “Fine, if it gets him out of the house, I guess.”

Envy giggled. Ed’s hatred of milk was always funny. “I’ll go ask him now,” he said, turning to go back downstairs. He came thudding down the stairs, jumping the last step and landing in the living room.

Al and Winry both looked up, startled by all the noise he had made.

“You!” Envy shouted, pointing at Al.

Al jumped. “M- me?”

“Yes, you!” Envy replied, not lowering his voice. “You are going to come with me into town!”

“Uh, okay,” Al agreed, standing up. “Why?”

Envy hesitated, but recovered quickly. “Because! Because I don’t want to carry the groceries by myself, and Edward is too short to keep up with me!”

“Hey!” Ed cried from the landing.

Envy ignored him. He could tell that Al was forcing down a laugh, which probably meant he had succeeded.

“I’ll go put on my shoes,” Al agreed. In a matter of minutes, they were both ready and walking out the front door. For a while, they were silent.

“So Envy,” Al said after a while, “Do you want to tell me why you really asked me to come to town with you?”

_ Oh, no, _ Envy thought,  _ I can’t tell him the truth. I need to cover for Ed. Come on, lie! You used to do it all the time! Think, Envy, think! _

“I mean, I just…” Envy had to put his hands behind his back in order to refrain from smacking himself on the forehead. “Well, we don’t really talk much, and I thought, since you’re Ed’s brother, and Ed and I, well-”

Al laughed. “You don’t have to lie, Envy,” he told him, “I know that Brother and Winry are planning a party for my birthday.”

“What?” Envy moaned, “You can’t know that! Now they’re going to think that I told you.”

“I won’t tell them,” Al dismissed, waving his hand, “I can still act surprised.”

“But… how did you find out?”

“Well, my birthday’s coming up, and I know they wouldn’t forget about it, but they haven’t mentioned it at all. That, and they’re acting all quiet and secretive. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, to be honest.”

Envy huffed. “I guess being smart runs in the family.”

“I guess so,” Al agreed.

“Modesty too, huh?”

Al laughed. “Hey, since we’re already out, do you want to see something awesome?”

Envy was a tad suspicious, but Alphonse was probably the most trustworthy person he knew. “Sure,” he said, nodding.

Envy wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but when they arrived at an animal shelter, he felt stupid for imagining anything else.

“Come here often?” he snorted.

“As often as I can,” Al confirmed, either unaware that Envy was mocking him, or just ignoring it. Al waved at the woman at the front desk like they were old friends, walking down the hallway to the left of the desk like he owned the place. Envy followed behind him hesitantly, but apparently arriving with Alphonse made him a VIP.

Al led him through a door, which he closed before opening the next door to reveal a room full of cats. Envy felt a smile creeping involuntarily over his face. Once they were both safely seated in the cat room, Al began to introduce Envy to each of the cats individually like they were family members instead of ten pound felines.

Envy nodded and petted the cats as he was handed them, not even bothering to attempt remembering their names. They were awfully cute, though.

“I didn’t figure you for a cat person,” Envy admitted, gently stroking a ginger cat that Al had shoved into his arms. The cat allowed it for a while, before squirming to let Envy know that he wanted to be let go.

“Oh, I love cats,” Al said, “I was always trying to convince Ed to let me adopt one while we were on the road, but he always said our lifestyle wasn’t pet friendly.”

“He was right,” Envy pointed out, reaching over to grab a little teaser toy to dangle over the cats’ heads.

“I know,” Al admitted, “but I still wanted one.”

“Why don’t you get one now?” Envy asked.

“Well, I don’t know how Brother would feel about it even now that we’re staying in one place, and then there’s Den to think about-”

“Ed loves you, Al,” Envy interjected, continuing to absently bounce the cat toy up and down, “If getting a cat would make you happy, I’m sure he’d be okay with it. Besides, he came home with a homunculus, so coming home with a cat seems pretty tame by comparison.” 

Al chuckled. “Still, though, I don’t know how Den would react to a cat in the house.”

“How could he not love it?” Envy asked, reaching down to pluck one of the many cats from the ground. He held it up right in front of Al’s face. “Look at his wittle face. Den would have to be evil not to love him.”

“That one’s a girl, actually,” Al corrected.

“So maybe Den’s heterosexual, it could still work,” Envy deadpanned.

Al laughed. “I’ll think about it.”

“You’d better,” Envy told him, “Or else I got cat hair all over my cloths for nothing.”

Al smiled, but then he got a strange look on his face, like he’d just had a thought.

“What?” Envy asked.

“I just had an idea,” Al told him, “How about we head into town now?”

* * *

 

Ed was sitting at his desk, writing a letter, when Al and Envy got home. Upon hearing the front door open and close, he shoved the letter deep into his desk drawer and raced down the stairs.

“Hey, what took you so long-” he stopped, pausing on the landing. “Envy, when did you…?”

Envy smiled and struck a pose. “What do you think? Pretty cute, huh?” He did a little spin, showing off his new outfit, although perhaps  _ new _ wasn’t the right word. “Al transmuted it for me today in the market.”

Edward slowly walked down the remaining stairs and approached Envy, hesitantly reaching out to touch Envy’s top. He was wearing the outfit he’d worn before he’d become human, from the headband to the foot wraps. The only difference was that the red triangle on his headband was gone.

“You look good,” Ed told him, smiling.

“You know what this means,” Envy said, smirking, “You and I are going to have a rematch, and this time, I’m going to win.”

Edward laughed. “Well, alright then. I look forward to it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From what I've sorted out, Al's birthday is sometime in October, and Ed's is in February. Comments make me happy. I wish I was a fucking mermaid.


	19. Comfort in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but an important one.

Envy bolted upright in bed, panting. He could feel the sweat dripping down his back. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Thunder rumbled outside, and rain pattered on the roof.

“Nightmare?” Ed asked, sitting up beside him.

“Yeah,” Envy confirmed, running a hand through his hair.

“You haven’t had one in a while,” Edward said, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Envy sighed. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“You didn’t,” Edward told him. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You can’t sleep?” Envy asked.

“No, I guess not,” Ed murmured. 

Envy turned so he was facing Ed. He looked haggard, like he hadn’t slept all night. Envy didn’t know what time it was, but he assumed it was the small hours of the morning. Maybe 1:00 or 2:00 AM, if he had to guess. Lightning flashed across the bedroom floor, and thunder followed it shortly after.

“Is it the weather?” Envy inquired. The storm was so loud that now he was awake, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to fall asleep again.

“Yeah,” Ed sighed, rolling his right shoulder.

“It’s really loud, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but that’s not what’s bothering me,” Ed admitted. “I could sleep through a stampede. A little thunder and rain isn’t going to keep me awake.”

“What then?” Envy asked.

“It’s…” Ed huffed, like he couldn’t decide what he wanted to say, exactly. “It’s just that… when the weather gets like this my leg kind of hurts.”

Envy considered this. “Why?”

“It’s just something that happens. A lot of people who have injuries feel them more when the weather is bad. It has to do with the change in barometric pressure causing-”

“Okay, I get it,” Envy cut him off, “We both know how good I am with science talk. Can’t you do anything about it?”

Ed shrugged. Envy looked at him closely. His eyes were adjusting to the darkness, and he could just make out the slight furrow in Ed’s brow, a look he got when he was hurt. Remembering what Ed had done for him when he was sore from sparring, Envy reached over and tentatively touched Ed’s leg, gently pressing on the skin just above the automail.

Envy watched Ed’s expression closely, not wanting to cause any further pain. Ed grunted and shifted his position a little, but then he relaxed into the massage and breathed a deep sigh.

“Is that okay?” Envy asked nervously.

“Yeah, it feels nice,” Ed told him.

Envy gave him a small smile, glad to be of some help. He continued in silence.

“You know…” Edward said, “It seems like it always rains whenever something goes wrong.”

“How do you mean?” Envy asked, continuing the massage.

“Like… the night Al and I lost our bodies. It was raining then. And… when Nina was killed, it rained then too. I know it’s just a coincidence, but… I don’t know.”

Envy sighed. “The weather’s always damn near perfect when things go wrong for me,” he told him, “Whenever Father told me to kill someone, perfect weather. Same thing when Lust died. I don’t think the weather’s very in tune with my emotions.”

Ed gave Envy a weak smile. “I’m supposed to be a scientist, and here I am, acting like the weather knows what’s going on in my life.”

“Your life is pretty interesting, to be fair,” Envy said.

“Sure, maybe back when I could still use alchemy. Now I’m just… a guy missing his leg.”

Envy stopped his massage. He couldn’t quite place why, but hearing Ed talk about himself that way pissed him off. It didn’t elicit sympathy or pity, like it should have. Instead, Envy felt rage burning beneath his skin.

“What the hell, Ed?” he snapped, “You can’t just say shit like that!”

“Envy, lower your voice,” Ed hissed, “It’s the middle of the night!”

“I don’t care!” Envy was shouting now. Thunder crashed loudly in the distance. “If you’re just a guy missing his leg, what does that make me, huh, Ed? You’re my whole world, and you’re telling me that you aren’t worth anything more than… You don’t get to insult yourself without insulting me, okay? So shut the hell up!”

“Envy, I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“I’m not finished!” Envy shrieked, “You are brilliant and gorgeous and kind and understanding and forgiving, and I love you for it, but I hate that you can’t see what I see, Ed, I hate it! There’s so much more to you than alchemy and an automail leg, and you have no right to-”

“You love me?”

Envy stopped. The look on Ed’s face was one of absolute wonderment. His voice was soft, like he was afraid if he spoke too loudly the moment would shatter into a million pieces, and maybe it would have. His golden eyes were wide and vulnerable, and Envy thought for a moment that he could see into Edward’s soul.

“That’s what you got from that?” Envy asked breathlessly.

Edward didn’t respond. He just stared imploringly into Envy’s eyes.

Envy sighed. “Of course I love you. I’ve loved you since the day you saved my life under Central, Edward.”

“Really?” Ed whispered.

Envy nodded.

Ed let out a choked little laugh, a smile grew on his face, and before Envy could so much as blink, he was being pulled down into a kiss. His eyes flew wide before falling shut, and he kissed back. There was something different about this kiss, about the way that Ed ran his fingers over Envy’s cheeks, how Envy could feel that Ed was still smiling as their lips moved, but it was more than that. Their kisses had always conveyed emotion, whether it was longing, or comfort, or affection, but never had one of their kisses conveyed words so clearly that Ed didn’t even need to say it.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally fucking said it. Goddamn. Took y'all long enough. Thanks for all the lovely comments, guys! Please continue to comment and make me feel awesome! As this fic is nearing its close, I'd like to hear any requests or suggestions you guys have for my next Edvy fic.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter! The next chapter should be out some time next week. In the meantime, please leave kudos, and if you have the time/motivation/attention span to do so, comments are literally the best part of my day. Thank you so much for reading my work!


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